Richard Nixon's Diet: Liver, Rum, and Mud Water / How I Honor Richard Nixon / Real Americans Build Buicks

Richard Nixon ate nothing but liver, and drank nothing but mud water and rum. I go to his gravesite every day and honor him by pouring mud water and rum on it. And then I build a Buick. All Americans should build Buicks. If you're unwilling to build a Buick, you're a Northern European piece of garbage. Nixon made China convert to capitalism, and now everyone there wants a Buick. If Richard Nixon were alive today, there'd be two countries total: The United States of America, and the Nixon Republic of China.

I'm a Real American