The Beatles Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
John: We have the Beatles to thank for just about every new musical act to come out since the 1960s—including and especially, New Kids on the Block, N Sync, 98 Degrees, The Backstreet Boys, and Color Me Badd. Thanks a lot, you long haired hand-holding hippie sons of bitches! One star
Britney Spears ...Baby One More Time
Carl: I never thought I’d see the day we’d be using half-dressed 17 year old girls to sell albums. Now I’m just hoping we’ll move on to 16 year olds. Four stars
Madonna The Immaculate Collection
John: Lives up to half of its title. Two stars
Michael Jackson Bad
Tina: The perfect blend of dahs and jahmons make Bad the baddest album since Lil’ Lamb’s Baaaaaad and Tony the Tiger’s Grrrrrreat. Four stars
Bob: Just who is this Eddie R. Joowonkay character, and why does Michael Jackson want me to say his name? One star
Nirvana Nevermind
John: Is this what “music” has come to? “How” can anyone consider this a classic, or even an “album” worth listening to? “As far as I’m concerned,” the success of this “fucking” garbage only “proves” that the public wouldn’t know good music if it crawled up their necks and “masturbated” in their fucking ears! One star
Various Artists Saturday Night Fever
Carl: Reminds me of the days I was so stoned that I couldn’t remember a fucking thing that happened to me. Four stars. I think.
John: “Stayin Alive” made me want to kill myself, “Disco Inferno” confirmed my belief that the Devil invented disco, “How Deep Is Your Love” reminded me how shallow my marriage is, and “A Fifth of Beethoven” probably made Beethoven’s corpse want to commit suicide. One star