Leonardo da Vinci Mona Lisa
Michael: Is she looking at you? Is she smiling? Do I care? A—I don’t know, I don’t know, no! One star
Mark: I once knew a girl named Mona. I was madly in love with her and convinced we’d spend the rest of our lives together—right up until the day I found out she was sleeping with my best friend. And every time I look at this painting, I think of that fucking bitch. One star
Leonardo da Vinci Last Supper
Robert: If I wanted to see a bunch of Jews eating a meal, I’d be at my grandma’s house right now singing Shalom Aleichem. One star
Sarah: A Bible themed painting? How original. One star.
Michelangelo Universal Judgment (Sistine Chapel)
Jesus: A little too busy for my taste. Two stars
Tia: I’m pretty sure this isn’t what Pope Julius II had in mind when he hired Michelangelo. And I’m pretty sure this isn’t what God had in mind when he released the Bible. Two stars
Salvador Dali Persistence of Memory
Kolby: This one would’ve been a bona fide masterpiece—if it weren’t for all of those fucking clocks! Two stars
Pierre-Auguste Renoir Luncheon of the Boating Party
Jesus: The expressions on their faces remind me why I hate the French so much. Four stars