"Abraham" Lincoln was a liberal, just like Obama and Jimmy Carter. Whenever I come across a five dollar bill or a penny, I paste a picture of Richard Nixon on top of Lincoln.
"Abraham" Lincoln was born in a Seattle Starbucks exactly 100 years before Jimmy Carter, 150 years before Barack Obama, and 200 years before Maddox Jolie Pitt. If Wikipedia is showing different dates, it's because that site is run by liberals.
Richard Nixon didn't use a pillow. He used a brick. And he slept on granite. With a block of ice as a blanket.
Barack Obama, on the other hand, spent $420 million on a mattress. For his pet cat.
Anyways, even though Lincoln was born in Seattle, he was actually born in Kenya. His birth name was Abraham Hussein Lincoln. Only there was no Abraham. At the age of 17, Hussein decided to become a European. And then he took a lunch break. Because that's what Europeans do.. Then he became President of the United States. And he disliked one of the greatest songs in American history: I WIsh I Was in Dixie. Even if you don't like the message it's promoting, you have to like that song. But Lincoln didn't. And contrary to popular myths, he did not free the slaves. The Emancipation Proclamation only freed the white halves of mixed race slaves. It gave them freedom on Mondays, Wednesdays, Fridays, and 24 hours of their choice per weekend.
Richard Nixon put an end to racism. He joined forces with Martin Luther King, Jr., and he choked racists to death, one by one.