The Library: Revised and Condensed
Least Tattooed Person
6.3 Billion Way Tie
0 Tattoos
Most Television Watched in 1 Hour
5.3 Billion Way Tie
1 Hour
Tallest Man
Robert Wadlow
8’ 11”
Tallest Man Under 6’
Jim Smith
5’ 11.99999999999999785”
Deepest Hole
7,922 miles
Flagstaff, New Mexico to China, China
Longest Fart
Cassius Gaseous
2 h, 04 m, 18.4 s
United Airlines Flight 734 over Los Angeles, Phoenix, Austin, and Baton Rouge
Most Expensive Perfume
Clive Christian No. 1 Imperial Majesty
$220,000 / bottle
Least Expensive Perfume
Bob’s Toilet Water and Piss
$0.03 / gallon
Most Consecutive Bullshits by a U.S. President
Bill Clinton
984
Most Psychiatrist Visits, Month
Woody Allen
174
Most Nags, Marriage
Mrs. Ethel Goldenberg
2,321,125
Highest Donkey Kong Score
Billy L. Mitchell
1,050,200
Highest Donkey
Don “High-Haw” Keylowaweed
22 miles
Most Barbie Dolls Stuffed in One’s Anus on Groundhog’s Day Eve
A. Nusfild
8.5
University of Arizona Dorm Room
Longest Pubic Hair
8 feet, 3.7 inches
Harry “I’ll Trim It Later” Harrisburg
Longest Book
Yongle Encyclopedia
50 million Chinese characters
Shortest Book
0 words
Longest Movie
When Will This Fucking End!
32 h, 14 m, 12 s
Shortest Movie
1 Second
1 s
Most Valuable Painting
Mona Lisa
$2 Billion
Most Valuable Kindergarten Finger Painting
Tommy Eats His Bugers
$32,324
Best Selling Dr. Seuss Book
Green Eggs and Ham
10 million copies
Worst Selling Dr. Seuss Book
Jack’s on Crack
7,400 copies
Longest Running Sitcom
Amos n’ Andy
373,217,254,782 episodes (Take that Simpsons!!!)
Shortest Running Sitcom
On the Toilet
0.3 episodes
Highest Grossing Porn Movie
Like Titanic, But with Plenty of Hardcore Sex
$425 billion
Lowest Grossing Porn Movie
Like Titanic, But with Two Seconds of Hardcore Sex
$0.04
Quickest Ejaculation After Insertion
Dickie “I Came Before I Saw and Conquered” Quickie
-2.4 seconds
Most Porno Watched, 1 month
Oky “I Saw, I Came, I Cleaned Up” Strokey
472 h, 3m, 12s