The Library: Revised and Condensed

Why Do I Love Thee?

Why do I love thee?

I must be insane

Inside our home a sign should read:

“Abandon romance, all of ye”

Thou let it go—no, thou shot it dead

Within three years from when we were wed

“I love thee”—that I haven’t heard

Since many months before our third

And thou would rather watch TV

Than spend a night alone with me

And chivalry

Is not for thee

And by our toilet is thy pee

Our passion shrinks

Thy waist expands

I do not like breasts on my man

My birthdays come

My birthdays go

But dost thou notice?

Dost thou know?

Thou talkest shit from dusk ‘til dawn

Our marriage is a fucking yawn

Thy life is football, beer, TV

It will not change, I guarantee

Why do I love thee?

I don’t know.

Come to think of it,

I don’t love thee

I hate thee

Thou hast ruined my life, you son a bitch!