Rodney Ohebsion

Excerpts from my book What I Think of Various Places and People

I like to hang out in the Costco parking lot and watch people pushing their carts out of the store. It's quite an experience. Some guy enters the place, and he thinks, "Oh, I'll just go in, I'll get some batteries for my clicker, and I'll also eat a few hundred calories of free samples. And maybe I'll buy a thing or two that tickles my fancy." And then four hours later, that guy is walking out of the store with a cart containing 48 batteries, 4000 toothpicks, a humidifier, a dehumidifier, a rehumidifier, two karaoke machines, two pounds of green Jolly Ranchers, three bottles of Johnnie Walker Blue Label, two gazebos, three dozen roses, a Kirkland Signature African dashiki and Japanese sashimono, 30 pounds of Kibbles 'n Bits, an engagement ring, eight bottles of Flintstone vitamins, 24 ping pong paddles, two elephants, two Goodyear tires, one Goodyear blimp, and a machine that simultaneously makes beef jerky and espresso.

Trump is very unfiltered. He's the second most unfiltered President in US history. Number one is Andrew Jackson. Let's talk about how unfiltered that man was. He once said, "After eight years as President, my only regret is that I didn't hang John C. Calhoun." Apparently, Andrew Jackson was successful as a President, but unsuccessful in his quest to kill John C. Calhoun. When I first read that quote, I figured John C. Calhoun was a 19th century terrorist who was hiding in a cave in Afghanistan. But then I did some research on Wikipedia. And it turns out that John C. Calhoun was not a Middle Eastern terrorist. He was Andrew Jackson's Vice President.

So, there you go. That should give you an indication of how Andrew Jackson was more unfiltered than Donald Trump. Jackson was 100% unfiltered. Trump is only 99% unfiltered. Trump has never actually stated that he wants to hang other US politicians. He implies that three or four times a day?but he's never actually said it.

Trump filters himself. But Andrew Jackson didn't believe in filters at all. I wonder what Andrew Jackson's State of the Union Addresses were like. I'll bet he said stuff like, "The economy is good. But that's not what I want to focus on right now. Let me ask you this. You see that sleazebucket politician sitting right next to me? I'm currently pushing for legislation that will give me the legal right to hang him. Now, I know what some of you are thinking. You're thinking, 'He's the Vice President. Why do you want to hang the Vice President?' Well. I got two reasons. One--I'm hoping for a new Vice President. And two--I want to change this one. Hope. Change. I'm Andrew Jackson, and I believe in Hope and Change. We can kill Vice President Calhoun. Yes we can!"

I really like Andrew Jackson's version of Hope and Change and Yes We Can. Nowadays, whenever I vote, I vote for Andrew Jackson. 100% of the time. I don't even care what I'm voting for. President. Andrew Jackson. Governor. Andrew Jackson. Prop 24. Andrew Jackson.

This page contains excerpts from my book What I Think of Various Places and People

The paperback version of the book is available for $12 at Amazon.

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