(This page intentionally left blank. Normally, it would contain the title and author—but honestly, what’s the point of that? I mean, the title and author are on the cover of this book—and the spine! Although I suppose a title page might come in handy in the event that the cover somehow comes off. But then again—what are the odds of that happening? Do you actually expect me to use an entire page just to account for some random asshole who might somehow end up with a coverless copy of this book? As far as I’m concerned, that guy can kiss my ass! In fact, if you are that guy, I have only one thing to say to you: “I hope you never find out what you’re reading, you coverless book reading piece of shit!” There. That should teach him. Although now that I think of it, odds are he doesn’t exist. And odds are you don’t exist, either. I mean, who in their right or wrong mind is going to read a book like this? In fact, if you really do exist, I hope you’re in a straight jacket and being watched by at least three hundred trained professionals —because you’re way too dangerous to be set loose in society. … What? … You’re not in a straight jacket? … Well then, I think you know what you need to do. Put the book down and commit yourself as soon as possible.)