Conservatives stole America from Native Americans, and they also enslaved African Americans. And now they think they can make up for it with some reservations, gambling licenses, and affirmative action laws. But there's one way--and only one way--to actually right past wrongs and even the score: We should give all African and Native Americans their choice of one slave. (And yes--I mean all African Americans, including the ones who just moved here from Africa last week.) I should get a slave too, since I'm a liberal hero. In fact, I should get first choice. "With the number one overall pick in the 2015 US Slave Draft, Rodney Ohebsion selects... Glenn Beck."
I have a dream... that one day, I'll own this son of a bitch.