Fresh Prince co-creator and suspected slavery denier Andy Borowitz
What's the greatest black sitcom of all time?
If you said The Cosby Show, I should choke you with one of Dr. Huxtable's sweaters. The Cosby Show isn't a black sitcom. It makes no mention of race ever (--which pretty much makes it the most racist shit in TV history. Fuck you, Bill.)
Black sitcoms reached their peak with The Fresh Prince of Bel Air. It is--bar none--the greatest TV show in all of history. Why? Because every single white person on the show is crazy and/or evil. Now that's what I call political correctness.
But The Fresh Prince really didn't go far enough. Why?
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a. None of the white characters were slaveholders
I mean, it's almost like the show was trying to ignore two centuries of slavery. I'll bet that was the decision of Andy and Susan Borowitz.
b. The Bel Air chapter of the KKK never attempted to lynch Will
Black people have to deal with the KKK on a daily basis--but in the fantasy world of The Fresh Prince of Bel Air, there is no KKK. The show should've had an episode where Will and Carlton get home from a day of volunteering at the orphanage and children's hospital, only to find the entire white Bel Air community dressed up in KKK robes outside of their door. In fact, that should've been the pilot. And the other 147 episodes. I mean, how else are we supposed to known about the black experience in America? (Aside from asking Matt Damon about it. He knows. After all, he's a Hollywood liberal.)c. The show wasn't set in the 18th century south
What the fuck, man? Why wasn't it The Fresh Prince of Atlanta? Will should've been a slave who was sent from Williamsburg to Atlanta, only to kill his new master, and then follow that up by killing all slaveholders in the country. And all white people. The series finale could've been the execution of the country's last white person. Oh--and then Will should've killed himself for being too light skinned.
d. No white people died
All TV shows--not just black sitcoms--should kill off at least one white character per episode.
e. They never showed white people eating collard greens or watermelon.
The "black people love collard greens and watermelon" stereotype is as offensive as it gets, and Hollywood needs to do an adequate job of dispelling the myth. How? By showing white people eating those foods any time they're on screen. I actually have a picture of Andy Griffith eating watermelon scotch taped to my TV screen, just so I'll never have to watch anything without seeing a white actor eating a so-called popular black food. And I think the US government should require all TV manufacturers to burn that image onto their TVs. In fact, they should put that shit on the back of all one dollar bills.
f. They never showed white people doing crack
As it is right now, way too many people associate crack cocaine with black people. The Fresh Prince of Bel Air never countered that belief by making all of its white characters crack addicts. When I watch TV, I want to see white people doing crack. Even Dan Rather and Andy Rooney. They don't even need to bother with any news or editorials. Just give me sixty minutes of Andy Rooney doing crack. And trying to buy slaves. That's pretty much as politically correct as it gets.
g. The show wasn't called Conservatives Are Racist
The Fresh Prince of Bel Air? The Fresh Prince of Bel Air? What the fuck, man? Were they trying to suggest that conservatives aren't racist? They are. The other day, I was talking to this conservative guy about Philadelphia--and when I mentioned Denzel Washington, I noticed him putting his hand in his pocket to check and see if his wallet was there! I'm not kidding you! So I pulled a BETAMAX copy of Roots out of my backpack and used it to beat the racism out of him. (By the way--BETAMAX really is better than VHS. And DVDs are complete a waste of money.)
Someone should remake The Fresh Pricne of Bel Air Conservatives Are Racist with all of the slaveholders, KKK members, dead white people, etc., and air that shit on PBS.
Copyright 2010 Rodney Ohebsion