If you want to get someone on your side and influence him, it's usually a good idea to agree with him and point out what you have in common. A belief, an interest, a taste, an idea. If you agree, if you have something in common, let him know. "We're both into this. We both like that. We both hate this guy. We're both against that thing. I agree. I agree."
For instance, if you find out he likes Seinfeld, you can use that. Let him know you have that in common. "Oh--you're into Seinfeld? I love Seinfeld! Seinfeld is the greatest show ever." He likes Seinfeld, you like Seinfeld. Now he knows. Make sure he knows. Tell him. Emphasize it. Make sure his attention is on that.
You do that, and a door will open. He'll suddenly become more receptive to what you say, and you can actually sneek something in after that.
As in, "You know what I like to do after I watch Seinfeld? Study Nazism." Now, Nazism might be a tough sell. But with Seinfeld in the bank. you can get past his objections. So he might not be that receptive at first. "Oh--Nazism. I'm not really into that." He'll say something like that--because he's not going to make the jump from Seinfeld to Nazism in one swoop. But just continue playing the Seinfeld card, and odds are he'll come around. [You:] "No, no, no--Nazism. It's good. It's good." [Him:] "That doesn't really seem like my type of thing..." [You:] "No, no, no. Nazism. Nazism. It's good. It's good. It's me. Remember? The Seinfeld guy. 'Newman!' I love that. 'No soup for you!' I love that, too." ... [Him:] "Oh--okay. Nazism. Sounds good. I'll look into it."
And there you go. You just snuck a Nazi pamphlet into a Seinfeld DVD case, and the guy has no idea. Nazi anything ususally sticks out--but not when you use Seinfeld. That weould've worked in Star Wars, too. "Use the force, Luke. Or use Seinfeld. Darth Vader loves Seinfeld."
Now, when someone agrees with you, you have to be careful. Because he might be trying to manipulate you. When someone agrees with me, I'm suspicious. If I say I like oranges, and someone responds, "Oh--I like oranges, too." I say, "You Nazi bastard!" Yeah--you agree with me, you're a Nazi. Or maybe a Jedi. I know about your Jedi mind tricks.
But most people are the opposite. If you agree with them, it's all good.
I think South Korea should use that approach with North Korea, to get along with them. They should just agree with them and focus on everything they have in common.
What do they have in common? What do South Korea and North Korea have in common? There's definitely something there. And South Korea should use it.
The President of South Korea should call up North Korea's leader, Kim Jong-un. [Kim Jong-un:] "Hello?" [The President of South Korea:] "Yes--is this Kim Jong-un?" [Kim Jong-un:] "Yes. Kim Jong-un." [SK:] "Uh--hello. This is the President of South Korea." [Kim Jong-un:] "Oh. What do you want?" [SK:] "Uh--I have a question." [Kim Jong-un:] "Oh. OK. What?" [SK:] "Are you guys... Korean?" [Kim Jong-un:] "Yes, yes. We're Korean." [SK:] "Oh. ... We're Korean, too." [Kim Jong-un:] "Oh--you're Korean, too?! We're both Korean!"
I'm surprised South Korea hasn't thought of that already. I mean, it's in the names of their countries. "South Korea." "North Korea."
Anyways, then the South Korean guy will continue. "Do you guys like Seinfeld?" [Kim Jong-un:] "No--we don't like Seinfeld. We hate Seinfeld. Anyone who likes Seinfeld is lower than a dog. That's our country's motto. It says it on the back of our currency. 'Anyone who likes Seinfeld is lower than a dog.'" [SK:] "Oh. Uh. Yeah. We hate Seinfeld, too. Seinfeld is stupid, We should start a club: Koreans Who Hate Seinfeld." [Kim Jong-un:] "Yes. Yes. We should start a club."
And then Kim Jong-un will start asking questions. [Kim Jong-un:] "Do you guys hate South Koreans?" [SK:] "Uh. No--we don't hate South Koreans." [Kim Jong-un:] "Oh. Well, that's going to be a problem. We hate South Koreans." [SK:] "Uh. No, no. We hate South Koreans, too. South Koreans. We hate them." [Kim Jong-un:] "But you guys are South Koreans." [SK:] "No, no. We're East Koreans." [Kim Jong-un:] "East Koreans? I though you were South Koreans." [SK:] "Well--it depends on how you look at the universe. Which side is up?" [Kim Jong-un:] "I don't know. But I know that North Korea is the center of the universe." [SK:] "Yes, yes. North Korea is the center of the universe, and we're east of the center of the universe. East Korea." [Kim Jong-un:] "Oh, OK. You're our best friends now. We're blood brothers." [SK:] "Yes, yes--we're blood brothers. OK. OK."
And then the South Korean guy will try to sneak something in. "Uh--do you like, uh, suicide?" [Kim Jong-un:] "Suicide? No--I don't like suicide." [SK:] "No, no, no. Suicide. Suicide. It's good." [Kim Jong-un:] "No--I don't think I like suicide." [SK:] "No, no. Suicide. Suicide. It's good. It's me. I'm a Korean. I hate Seinfeld. Remember? 'Newman!' I hate that." [Kim Jong-un:] "Oh, yes." [SK:] "Yeah. Suicide. It's good. Just put a gun in your mouth... and pull the trigger." [Kim Jong-un:] "Oh. ... OK."
BOOM.
There goes Kim Jong-un. And then the South Korean guy'll continue. "Nice talking to you, Kim Jong-un. You dead son a bitch. By the way--I love Seinfeld. 'Newman!' I love that. I'm going to take Jerry and Newman to your funeral. And Elaine. She can do her dance on your grave."
Yeah. It works in Korea, it works in the Galactic Empire--it works everywhere. If aliens visit us and they seem hostile, we can still get on their good side. Meg Ryan can make friends with some alien woman: [Meg Ryan:] "I love your nails. Where do you get them done?" [Alien Woman:] "Uh--this place on Saturn" [Meg Ryan:] "Oh--Saturn? Is that the one with the rings?" [Alien Woman:] "Yeah." [Meg Ryan:] "I go to this Vietnamese lady. She's really good. She wears a lot of rings. Maybe she's from Saturn, too."
There we go. Meg Ryan just saved the world. She and the alien both use Vietnamese manicurists from Saturn.
So it'll work on aliens. And, it'll work for illegal aliens.
I think Mexicans who want to enter the United States illegaly should use something like that, too. Because right now they just try to avoid border patrol. That's completely unecessary, and it doesn't always work. Instead of going to all of that trouble, they should just show that they have something common with the border patrol. Because the border patrol agents are thinking, "Oh. Mexicans. They like burritos, and we like hamburgers. We gotta keep them out!"
You know what? I'll bet most border patrol agents really, really, really hate Muslims. So, someone trying to cross the border should just wear a really anti-Muslim t-shirt. Like the one that says, "Everything I need to know about Muslims, I learned on 9/11."
Just imagine a border patrol agent spotting a Mexican wearing that t-shirt. "Oh--there's a Mexican. ... Wait a second. This guy hates Muslims. This country needs more people who hate Muslims." He'll probably end up giving the Mexican a grand welcome. He'll roll the red carpet out for him. [Border Patrol Agent:] "Hola. Bienvendos a los Estados Unidos. Quieres un hamburguesa?" [Mexican Immigrant:] "Oh--si. Gracias." And then he'll try to make a trade with the President of Mexico. [Border Patrol Agent:] "OK. If you give us six Muslim-hating Mexicans, we'll give you the cast of Seinfeld." [President of Mexico:] "No--I don't like Seinfeld. What else do you got?" [Border Patrol Agent:] "Well, we have the cast of George Lopez." [President of Mexico:] "No, no, no. Definitely not George Lopez."
So it can either be something that two people like, or something they hate. In a lot of cases, it's best to go with what people hate. Just go to any high school. And you'll see. One girl will say to another, "What? You hate Jennifer Smith. Ugh! I hate her, too. She's so annoying." So they both hate Jennifer Smith, and now they're best friends. Before they found that out they had that in common, they were kind of friends. Now they're best friends. A friendship rooted in that. Jennifer Smith doesn't know it, but she's brought more people together than Facebook.
So if you want to make your way in the world, there'a a great way to do it. Agree with people. Point out what you have in common. Let them know that you like what they like, and you hate what they hate.
People usually like being told they're right. When they want to decide what political opinion shows to watch, this is the attitude they have: "If you agree with me, you're right. And if you're right, I like you. If you disagree with me, you're wrong. And if you're wrong, I hate you." And that, to a major extent, determines whether they watch Bill Maher, Glenn Beck, Cenk Uygur, or Greg Gutfeld. They just flip around until they find someone they agree with. "Yeah. This is good. I love it. This guy agrees with all of my views."
Why do people even bother with those shows? Why don't they just listen to themselves? They should just have their own show. That way, they'll agree with all of their own opinions. Jim Smith should have The Jim Smith Show. He should just sit in an empty room, state his views, and then say, "This guy's right about everything. I love this show."
I think it's interesting how whenever we come across someone who agrees with us on a few matters, we think, “Finally--a sensible, rational, likeable, good person.”
We often deceive ourselves by thinking like that. "He agrees with me on a few points. We have a few of the same tastes. That means I should listen to him. That means I should be receptive to him. I'm right, and I'm a person of taste. And this person agrees with two of my views and likes three things I like. OK." We often go too far with that type of thinking. Mot to mention the fact that it allows others to manipulate us. And of course, we can use it to influence others or to get on their good side.
Apparently, when people think they have a few things in common with someone, they find it difficult to connect or match that with the idea that they hate that person. "I love Seinfeld, he loves Seinfeld; I'm a Democrat, he's a Democrat; I drink whiskey, he drinks whiskey" doesn't combine well with "I hate that guy." Instead, they think, "I should listen to him talk about Nazism. Maybe Nazism isn't that bad."
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