Self-respect comes from taking care of yourself and accomplishing goals. And it also comes form nurturing others—your self-esteem rises as you treat yourself as you would like others to treat you.
You cannot gain respect from others until you develop respect for yourself.
Here are a few things you can start doing today to raise or maintain your current level of self respect:
Take care of yourself and be good to yourself. Being caring of your person gives yourself the message that you are important. In doing this, it is key to focus on a positive self-image—for instance, telling yourself “I’m so fat that I should just have a salad for dinner” is very different from telling yourself “This salad is so good for me! I’m proud of myself for sticking with my diet.” There is enough negativity in the world; you don’t need to add to it with self-deprecating remarks!
Surround yourself with positive people. It is difficult to enjoy lunch with a friend if she keeps telling you she is so fat that she cannot have anything but salad. It is far more enjoyable to discuss interests and aspirations with people who value your thoughts.
Accept self-compliments graciously. Do not perceive positive feedback as inaccurate, and negative feedback as accurate. Remember your successes and good qualities.
Compliment yourself. Make eye contact with yourself in the mirror and really tell yourself what a great person you are. Or write down good things about yourself.
Learn from the disappointments in your life. Were you passed up for a promotion? Try to determine if you were at fault. If so, then set a goal right now to change your behavior. If not, then schedule an appointment with your supervisor to discuss the issue. Seek constructive criticism so that you may better yourself.
When you develop self-respect, you develop self-loyalty, and if you do err, you can be encouraged to learn from those mistakes rather than just beating yourself up for them.
In addition to the things you start doing to develop self-respect, there are some things you must stop doing. For instance:
Belittling and Depreciating. At the end of the day, do not unproductively over-dwell on what went wrong. Focus on doing what is right, and do not direct self-depreciating comments at yourself.
And when complimented on a success, do not merely respond by telling others it was luck. Doing so is proactively chipping away at your self-respect. Be willing to accept compliments if you think they are just.
Disregarding. Do you constantly set aside your own desires for those around you? Do not disregard your own wants and needs. There is a difference between being accommodating to others when appropriate, and unrighteously neglecting yourself.
Groveling. Do not be apologetic unless it is truly appropriate to be so. The apologies won’t mean as much to others if they hear them all the time, and you develop an exterior air of weakness and interior feelings of inferiority.
You are able to communicate effectively because you are not constantly defensive. Self-respect is like a shield that protects you from wounding words and life’s disappointments. Strive to develop respect in yourself and you will gain the respect of others.