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Math and RacismWhen I found out Obama was half black, I was kind of confused. Because I'm half racist. Am I supposed to hate him a quarter? Is that how it works? Half of half.
Math and racism aren’t a good fit for each other. I don’t want to make calculations before I know how much to hate someone. I didn't sign up for that. I signed up for the racism--not the math. Obama is messing everything up. There’s another reason to hate him. He’s making me do math, he’s spending too much money, and he's black.
I'm just kidding. I don’t hate black people.
I am, however, a white supremacist. But not a white supremacist in the traditional sense. I'm the the positive kind of white supremacist. Is there a positive kind? Let's say there is. Because I am one. I'm a positive white supremacist. I love white people--and I like blacks and Jews. I like them. I don’t love them. I'm still a white supremacist, and I'm still a racist. But I'm not a hateful person. For instance, I help white people paint their homes--and then, if I have time, I help Jews and blacks wash their cars. You can't get mad at me for that.
No--I'm just kidding. I love black people. In fact, 67% of my friends are black. And keep in mind that I live in Utah--so that's pretty good. You try pulling that off. There are only six black people in the state--and I'm friends with all of them. Let's see. There's Tommy, Jean, Calvin, Candice, Alice, and D'DeJaMarcus. Honestly, I'm not too fond of Tommy. But not because he's black. Don't jump to that conclusion. It's not because he's black. He's an asshole. Who happens to be black. That's it. He’s not a black asshole. He's an asshole who happnes to be black. Just like some Jews are bastards, but not Jew bastards. They're just Jews who happen to be bastards.
Although to be honest, there are a few Jew bastards and black assholes. There are. Let's not kid ourselves.
Like Harvey Levin, the head of celebrity news media empire TMZ. He’s not just a Jew who happens to be a bastard. He’s a Jew bastard. And Kanye West. He's not just an asshole who happens to be black. He's a black asshole. That should be the name of his next album. There was College Dropout, Late Registration, and now, Black Asshole.
If that’s offensive or inappropriate, I don’t care. I’m going with it. So sue me. Harvey Levin will probably sue me. That Jew bastard.
By the way, I’m Jewish--so I have the right to call someone a Jew bastard. I can definitely say that. Do I also have the right to call someone a black asshole? I certainly seem to think I do. Just like Don Rickles.
But once again, I have six black friends. I have to keep mentioning that, just to make sure that I don't seem racist.
A lot of people do things like that. Like the comedian Bill Burr.