If you have a problem with someone like Glenn Beck, you're probably insane. I'm not saying I agree with him, or that he's preaching the truth. But Glenn Beck is a character. He's just an entertainer. Getting mad at him is like charging Elmer Fudd with attempted murder because he shot Bugs Bunny and Daffy Duck. They're just cartoon characters--and Glenn Beck is no different.
They're all like that. Keith Olbermann, Bill O'Reilly. They're characters. Even politicians like Barack Obama and Sarah Palin. They're characters, too. If you think "Barack Obama" is Barack Obama, you're probably watching too much Looney Tunes, FOX News, and MSNBC.
You should start watching, listening to, and reading what's real. Like my books, website, and show. Because I'm real. All the time. I will admit that half of the things I'm saying are crazy--but that's because I'm genuinely insane.
But Bill O'Relly and Keith Olbermann aren't genuinely insane. They might not even be genuinely opinionated.
I love how any time something happens, a pundit is expected to comment on it. What’ll happen if he doesn’t comment?
“So what do you think about (insert topic here)?”
[Pundit:] “... Nothing. No opinion. I don’t have an opinion. So something happened. I don’t have an opinion. (Insert topic here). What makes you think I know something about that? What do I look like? I’m just a guy who runs his freaking mouth on TV. ... Oh wait. I’m a guy who runs his freaking mouth on TV. So yeah--I do have an opinion. (Insert topic here). It’s bad. Or it’s good. Whatever. Let me poll my viewers. If they think it’s bad, it’s bad. If they think it’s good, it’s good. Whatever they want to hear. Here’s what I think is good: ratings. That’s my core belief. I’m for ratings. All of my other views just stem from that one.”
Most people on TV are for ratings. 99% of them have that in common. Bill O’Reilly might not agree with Keith Olbermann that much--but they both have a serious pro ratings stance. “Bill--you’re pro ratings? I’m pro ratings, too. What a coincidence!”
No, Keith--it’s not a coincidence. If you weren’t so pro-ratings, you probably wouldn’t be on TV.
So Bill and Keith have that in common. They might actually have a lot in common in reality. Who knows? Again, people like that are usually playing characters. Bill O’Reilly version FOX News is not Bill O’Reilly version life. Same goes for most people on TV. And most politicians. Ronald Reagan was a former Democrat--and an actor! Reagan the Republican was probably his grand act. We should’ve given him an Oscar every year from the 1980 election until he left office.
Maybe I should become a political pundit. I mean, all of those people on FOX News and MSNBC get good ratings. Granted, I don't really know anything about politics--but you could say the same thing about many a pundit. Igonrance didn't stop them--and it won't stop me.
According to my research, it's good to have extreme views. That tends to make you popular.
I'm also going to be a conservative--because FOX News gets better ratings than anyone else. I think there's a shortage of conservative pundits everywhere but on the radio.
OK. I'm a political pundit. So here we go:
The government is ridiculous! We need to keep them in check! We need to treat them the way Ricky treated Lucy on I Love Lucy. We need to give them an allowance--and if they go over, we should yell at them in Cuban: "Mira que tiene la cosa mujer..."
So there. I fixed the economy. What else?
Illegal immigrants. Illegal immigration is ridiculous! We need to do to illegal immigrants what Carl did to Steve Urkel on Family Matters. Let's tell them to "Go home! Go home! Go home!"
Hmmm. Sitcoms are pretty educational. They should show them at Harvard or Yale.
So there's illegal immigration. What else?
The decriminalization of marijauna! That's ridiculous! That's a joke! We need to round up all of the country's marijuana and take it to my apartment. I'll watch it. I'll make sure no one smokes it. I'll even make the ultimate sacrifice for my country. I'll smoke it all myself--one joint at a time. Let's keep that crap off of the street!
So there--I just solved the drug problem.
This is easy--fixing the country. Especially if you're igonrant like me, or half of the people you see on TV. That makes it really easy. Just run your mouth. Whatever comes to mind.
So there's drugs. What else?
Same sex civil unions! Wait... what's the offical conservative position on civil unions? I don't know--but whatever it is, I'm for it--but times a thousand!
OK. I guess I'm done for today. Rupert Murdoch--send over my check.