What's going on? This is my review of Pulp Fiction--one of the most highly regarded films of all time. Most people love it. I can't say I do, though.
For starters, Pulp Fiction stars John Travolta--and that to me gives it a thumb down right off the bat. Because I was smoking with John Travolta the other day--he lives in my building, in 5C--and he tried to fill my head up with all these crazy theories about how the robot on Small Wonder was actually a human being, and the other Lawsons were actually robots. What the hell? That doesn't make any sense. Are you trying to tell me that a freaking robot built a human being? I saw the gadgets in that little girl. Human beings don't have buttons and shit. Come on, man. That's ridiculous. I'm not down with all of Travolta's unorthodox theories on Small Wonder.
I think that guy was John Travolta. I mean, he did a perfect Vinnie Barbarino. But then again, why the hell would John Travolta live in my building? He'd probably live in the building across the street--beecause they have two bedroom apartments, and celebrities need their space and shit. They need a lot of space. They think they're like tigers or something.
Whatever, man. Moving on. The movie is directed by Quentin Tarantino--a guy who definitely doesn't live in my building. I have smoked with him on like numerous occasions, though--and his theories on Small Wonder aren't as crazy. I'm totally cool with him, man. He's a cool guy.
But he always begs me to watch his movies. I don't know. I'm more into Ernest Goes to Blank movies. I think we reached the pinnacle of filmmaking and shit with Ernest Goes to Jail--and after that, I don't know why they made so many films. What's the point? I think we should watch Ernest Goes to Jail like 90% of the time, and then just watch something else every once in a while.
Quentin Tarantino, if you make an Ernest Goes to movie, I'll definitely watch it, dude.
What else? Pulp Fiction also stars Uma Thurman. I stalked her for like three months in 2007, and she totally took it the wrong way. What the hell? This is America. We're supposed to have freedoms and shit. But apparently, Uma Thurman, her lawyer, her bodyguard, and her husband or whoever that guy was--they don't seem to think so. I mean, after you get a restraining order and then violate it and spend like three days in jail, you come to realize that America is not that free. I don't know. That's the way I see things.
I guess that's it. So yeah--I didn't really like Pulp Fiction that much, and I really don't recommend it. But maybe if Uma Thurman lets me come within a hundred feet of her or something, I might change my mind. But as it is right now, I don't know, dude. I'd pass if I were you.
I should point out that I've never actually seen it or anything--but that's never stopped me from doing reviews in the past.
So Uma Thurman, give me a call or something. And John Travolta, you don't know shit about Small Wonder.