2000 Days ‘Til the End of the World
1000 Days ‘Til the End of the World
500 Days ‘Til the End of the World
100 Days ‘Til the End of the World
The World Ended Yesterday
The Gospel of Dieting: How Jesus Christ Lost Forty Pounds in Forty Days
An Illness to America: A Guide to Moderate Islamic Fundamentalism
From Peeing in the Shower to Showering After Peeing: How to Transform Your Slovenly Man Into an Obsessive Compulsive Metrosexual
The Seuss Code: The Hidden Messages Contained in the Works of Dr. Seuss, and How You Can Use Them to Hear Horton’s Who
The World’s Healthiest Food: (Hint: It Costs $398 an Ounce, and I’m the Only One Who Sells It)
How I Achieved Optimal Health by Not Drinking My Own Urine
All Women are Prostitutes: (Thank God I’m Rich)
All Men are Bastards: (But at Least Some of Them Have Money)
Eliminating Clutter: (Start By Throwing Away This Book)
Manure Propaganda: Why Everything You’ve Ever Heard About Horseshit is Bullshit
Using the Side of Your Fork as a Knife
326 Pages of Blank White Paper
326 Pages of Blank White Paper II: 326 More Pages of Blank White Paper
Buy Low, Sell Lower: A Guide to Reverse Profit Stock Market Investing
Brando, DeNiro, Pacino: Why You Should Add an O to Your Last Name
O’Reilly, Olbermann, O’Donnell: Why You Should Drop an O from Your Last Name
My Life and Times Collecting Time and Life Magazines
Sex for Centenarians: How to Get Your Groove On Even If You Can’t Get Your Pants Off
Sex with Centenarians: How to Find Them, Woo Them, and Do Them
The Larry Code: The Hidden Messages Contained in Larry the Cable Guy’s Stand-Up Routines, And How You Can Use Them to Interpret the Book of Ezekiel and Make a Fortune Betting on Women’s College Lacrosse
The A-Z Guide to the Letter L
The Z-A Guide to Bizarro World
The A-G Guide to H Through Z
The Grass Really is Greener: Why Your Life F--ing Sucks
Advanced Shoe Tying Techniques
The Othernet: How to Access the Secret Internet Using a Vintage Monopoly Board, Two Scoops of Raisins, and Four Hundred and Twenty Seven Rolls of Pink Toilet Paper
The Jonas Brothers Have Absolutely Nothing to Do With This Book
The Kamadden Sutra: How to Have Sex While Watching Monday Night Football
The Tao Te Kama Sutra: How to Have Sex Without Moving
On the Wealth of Nations, And How to Screw Them Out of It
Getting Into the College of Your Choice (Hint: It Involves Hiring Two Prostitutes)
The QWERTY Code: The Hidden Messages Contained in Your Keyboard, and How You Can Use Them to Comparison Shop for Boxer Shorts
Heaven Helps Those Who Sacrifice Chickens
Heaven Helps Those Who Really Don’t Deserve It
Ask What Your Country Should Do For You… NOT!
Doo-Doo, Cah-Cah, or Poo-Poo?: How to Tell the Difference
A Case for Reparations: Why Blacks Deserve Money from Whites
A Case for Reverse Reparations: Why Whites Deserve Money from Blacks
A Case for Quantum Triple Reverse Repareparations: Why Light-Skinned Blacks Deserve Money from Cherokee Indians, Blonde Haired Grey Eyed Whites Deserve Money from Dark-Haired Whites and Light-Skinned Blacks, Dark-Skinned Blacks Deserve Money from Tall Jews and Chinamen Named Hong, and Shawnee Indians Deserve Money from Dark Haired Whites, Albinos, Overweight Jews, and Other Shawnee Indians
A Case for Triple Quantum Neo-Darwinian Trio-Einsteinian Retro-Newtonian Quintuple Big Bang Pi R Squared Rereverse Reparepareparations: Why I Deserve Money from Everyone
A Case for Windonian Reparations: Why We All Deserve Money from Bill Gates
A Case for Sexparations: Why I Deserve Sex from Almost Everyone
A Case for Sending Me to the Nuthouse
How to Have Heterosexual Sex with Other Men
“My Dick is Aaarghd!”: How to Have Sex Like a Pirate
I’m 21 and She’s 17; She Lives in New Jersey, I Live in Tennessee, We Met in Florida During Spring Break, and We’re Vacationing in Connecticut: A Guide to United States Statutory Rape Laws
The Seven Hundred and Seventy Seven Habits of Highly Successful Gamblers
The One Habit of Highly Addicted Masturbators (Hint: It’s Masturbating)
The Zero Habits of Highly Successful Corpses
Eat Fruit, Live Longer
Live Longer, Eat Fruit
How I Didn’t Make Millions in Real Estate
How I Didn’t Make Billions in Real Estate
How I Didn’t Make Trillions in Real Estate
How to Make Your Wife Happy (Hint: It Involves Spending Money)
How to Make Your Wife Really Happy (Hint: It Involves Spending a Lot of Money)
The Buck Stops Here: Going Out of Your Way to Take Responsibility
Get the Buck Out of Here!: Going Out of Your Way to Avoid Responsibility
1,000,001 Men’s Chest Hair Designs
The Meaning of Life: (Hint: It Has Something to Do With Dominoes)
I Shall Bust a Cap in Thy Ass: A History of Victorian Era Gangsta Rap
Blame the Jews: How a Certain Tribe of Israel is Ruining Your Life
Blame the Gentiles: How the Rest of the World is Ruining Our Economy
Jesus Loves You—Even Though You’re Basically a Piece of Shit
Jesus Loves You—But Odds Are Confucius Doesn’t
Jesus Loves You. No… I Meant the Guy Behind You
Jesus Loves You—But He Thinks You Should Find Another Religion. It’s Not You—It’s Him
Jesus Loves You—And Everyone Else Thinks You’re a Doo-Doo Head
Jesus Loves You—But Not Enough to Make You Rich
Jesus Loves You—And He Hates Your Brother Tom
Jesus Loved You—But Honest to God, You’ve Become a Real Asshole Over the Past Few Years
Jesus Will Love You—As Soon as You Buy This Book
Jesus Loves Chachi
Jesus Loves the Raiders—And He Lost the Universe to Satan Betting on Super Bowl XXXVII
Jesus Loves Lucy—But He’s Not Putting Her in His Show
Jesus Was Black
Martin Luther King Was White
Bruce Lee Was Czechoslovakian
Mahatma Gandhi Was a Hologram
Mel Brooks is Jewish
The Rich Keep on Getting Richer: (Thank God I Was Rich to Begin With)
I Was Abducted and Anally Probed by An Alien—And He Didn’t Even Call Me the Next Day!
I Was Abducted and Anally Probed by Another Alien
I Abducted and Anally Probed an Alien—But I Didn’t Enjoy It
I Abducted and Anally Probed Another Alien—And I Have to Admit, It Was Kind of Fun this Time
I Abducted and Anally Probed Two Aliens at Once—And I Fucking Loved It!!!
I’m Addicted to Abducting and Anally Probing Aliens
Why I Stopped Abducting and Anally Probing Aliens
Memoirs: My Life and Times Abducting and Anally Probing Aliens
How to Make a Million Dollars in One Hour (Hint: It Involves Buying a Lottery Ticket and Praying)
How to Lose a Million Dollars in One Hour (Hint: It Involves Getting Piss Drunk in Las Vegas)
How to Get Out of Debt
How to Get Others Into Debt: a.k.a. The Jewish Man’s Guide to Life, a.k.a. The Other Ten Commandments
Everything Is Bigger in Texas—Especially the Bullshit
Thou Shalt Not Steal—But Thou Shall Buy at Deep Discounts
Love Thy Neighbor to His Face, Curse Thy Neighbor to His Back
Do Unto Others or God Will Doo-Doo Onto You-You
Turn Thy Other Cheek—And Roundhouse Kick That Bastard in the Face
Your Mother-in-Law is the Antichrist’s Helper
Romeo Gurion and Juliet Arafat
Romeo and Juliet Episode 0: The Lord Capulet Lord Montague Gay Sex Scandal
Psychological Profiles of the Three Stooges (All Six of Them)
Convincing Your Wife to Hire a Sexy Young Babysitter—Even if You Don’t Have Any Children
Married Life Sucks
Single Life Sucks
Life Sucks
Your Husband is Leading Two Separate Lives—and He’s an Asshole in Both of Them
Affirmative Play Action: Why Po Sports Should Have a White Quota
Homos and Negroes and Jews, Oh My!: A White Supremacist’s Nightmare Come to Life
Oxygen: Do We Really Need It?
The American Civil War: Why It Had Absolutely Nothing to do with Tacos
Scientology: What You Need to Know, and Why You Don’t Need to Know It
500 Punchlineless Jokes
500 Joke Punchlines
It’s Not What You Know, It’s Hoo-Hoo You Know: How I Became President of the Owl Watchers Society
It’s Not What You Sow, It’s What You Reap: How to Screw Others Out of What They Deserve
The Wife Code: The Hidden Messages in Your Wife’s Seemingly Nonsensical Nags, and How You Can Use Them to Stop Global Warming
Einstein Was No Einstein: A Defense of Newtonian Physics
How to Tell Time Using Three Mangoes, Four Bananas, and Five Wristwatches
I Love Lucy, And I’m Horny for Ethel: The Happily Married Man’s Guide to Sleeping with His Wife’s Best Friend
Intermediate Toilet Flushing Techniques
Holy Hookups: How to Score with Women by Claiming That You’re God and/or Batman
Spicing Up Your Marriage by Stalking Your Wife
Another Day, Another 372 Arguments About Pretty Much Nothing: A Guide to Married Life After Year Thirty
Smell Sound Severity: The SSS Fart Classification System
The Burrito Code: The Hidden Messages Contained in a Taco Bell 7 Layer Burrito, And How You Can Use Them to Interpret the Hidden Messages Contained in Jaime Brenkus’s 8 Minute Abs
Tao Te Ring: Go from Girlfriend to Wife in Zero Effortless Steps
The Code Code: The Hidden Messages Contained in This Book, And Why They’re 100% Useless
How to Find Waldo (Hint: He’s Always Next to the Guy Who’s Next to Waldo)
423 Different Words for Semen: The World’s Most Complete Porno Dictionary
Give Me Liberty, or Give Me Death (Keep in Mind That I’d Kind of Prefer the First One)
One of Three Johns: Why Washington Won’t Win
One Nation Under a Groove: 1796 Reasons Why George Clinton Will Win
The People Will Pick Pinckney
Aaron Burr, I’m Sure, I’m Sure
Fish Don’t Fry in the White House: Why Jefferson Won’t Be Reelected
Only for the Mad: Why a Sane Country Won’t Elect James Madison
DeWitt is the Shit: Why Madison Won’t Repeat
Monroe is a Ho: Why I’m Guarantteing* Monroe Won’t Win
We’d Rather Have No One: Why I’m Guaranteeing* Monroe Won’t Repeat
Quality Over Quincy
I’m Taking Tito: Why Andrew is the Wrong Jackson
Jackson’s a Joke: Why Henry Clay Will Have His Day
A Whig Will Win: Why Van Buren’s a No Hoper
A Whig Won’t Win: Why Van Buren Will Repeat
Clay Over Polk, That’s No Jolk Joke
Taylor’s Toast: Why Cass Will Kick Ass
Great Scott!: Why Pierce Will Get *Pierced
Buchanan, Can’t Stand Him
Honestly Insane: Why Lincoln Will Lose
By George, He’s Got It: Why Lincoln Won’t Repeat
We’ll See More of Seymour and Less of Ulysses
Greeley’s Great, Grant’s Gross
It Won’t B. Hayes
Heathcliff Over Garfield
Red Rover, Red Rover, We Won’t Elect Grover
Red Rover, Red Rover, We’ll Reelect Grover
Red Rover, Red Rover, There’s No Chance for Grover
I Ain’t Lyin’—Our Pres. Will Be Bryan
I’m Not McKidding This Time—Bryan Will Win
Teddy’s Not Ready, I’m Picking Parker
3rd Time’s a Charm: Why Bryan Will Top Taft
My Woody’s for Teddy
Woody’s Wiggidy Wiggidy Wack, Hughes is the Miggidy Miggidy Mack
My Hard-on’s for Cox, and Not for Harding
Cal’s Not Cool, Davis Will Rule
Hoover Sucks: Why Smith Will Clean House
FDR Won’t Go Far: Why We’ll Give a Damn About Hoover
The Shmuck Stops Here: Why FDR Will Lose to Landon
Willkie Will Win, Frankie Will Tank
In with Dewey, Roosevelt’s Screwy
We’re Not Wild About Harry: Why Dewey Will Dominate
Eisenhower Won’t Be in Power
The End of Ike’s Reich
Nixon TKO JFK
*Gold or BJ
*No Dick for Me: Hubert Humphrey
*Richard Nixon George McGovern
Nuts about Ford, Pee on Carter
*Gimme Jimmy, Ronald
Ron’ll Be Gone, Walter’s Our *Mon
Uprooting a Dirty Bush: Why Dukakis Can’t Lose
Read My Lips: Bush Will Be Reelected
Read My Lips: Clinton Cheated
Dole in DC, I Guarantee
We’ll Go with Gore, Wubya’s a Whore
Why Kerry Will Kick Bush’s Tush
Jesus Christ: Super Ninja (Who Faked His Own Death and Blamed it on the Jews in Order to __*
1001 Buddhist-Themed Knock-Knock Jokes
The Great Gatsby III: Maybe He’s Not So Great
It’s Not What You Know, It’s How Many Beers You Can Suck Down Without *
The Art of Balancing Dildos on Your Head
McScandal: The Marilyn Monroe Mayor McCheese Affair
How to Spend More Money Than You Make Without Going Broke: (Hint: It Involves Embezzling Money from the Red Cross)
Tao Te Strength Training: Lifting Weights without the Weights—Or the Lifting
The Seven Habits of Highly Successful Gay Porn Stars*
The Four Habits of Moderately Successful Gay Porn Stars
So Your Boyfriend is a Streisand Listening Bodybuilding Germaphobe. So What? Do You Think I Give a Shit? I Didn’t Give a Shit When You *
Double Penetration Ain’t What it Used to Be: Remembering the Good Old Days of Porn
So You Want to Have Sex with a Corpse
So You Want to Have Sex with a Corpse Again
So You’re Addicted to Boning Corpses: (Who Isn’t?)
So You Overcame Your Addiction to Boning Corpses
So You Want to Have Sex with an Octopus
You’re Sad; I’m Glad: A Children’s Guide to Schadenfreude
You’re Glad, I’m Sad: A Children’s Guide to Envy