My parrot hasn't been himself lately, and I think I know why: Newt Gingrich molested him.
I don't have any evidence pointing directly at Newt, but just look at this picture:
I think it's pretty obvious that the guy molests parrots. I mean, just look at the expression on his face. Look at his hair. Look at his tie. Everything about him says "I molested your parrot." (And "I hate black people." And "I need more mayonnaise on my sandwich."