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All McDonald's Should Be Replaced with Whole Foods Markets

Whenever I play Socialist Monopoly (--the game where everyone makes a $48,000 a year, including illegal immigrants--), I replace Boardwalk with Whole Foods market, and Park Place with The Museum of Fuck Newt Gingrich. Because I love Whole Foods Market. And I hate Newt Gingrich. As for McDonald's, I go there a lot--mainly to spray piss all over their Men's Room walls and floors. And then I walk out of the Men's Room and place an order for one organic non-dairy gluten free vegiburger, with quinoa fries and a grande decaf acai juice, to go, in a reusable fanny pack made of hemp and recycled cat feces.

The point is, it's time for the government to turn all McDonald's restaurants into Whole Foods Markets, and give everyone $10,000 a year in Whole Foods Market food stamps.