The Library: Revised and Condensed

Mapquest

1. Don’t be a smart ass. It’s right across the street.

Directions from 123 Camden Dr. Beverly Hills CA to 456 Crack St. Compton CA

1. What are you— nuts?! Do yourself a favor and just stay where you are. No one’s ever had a good reason for going from Beverly Hills to Compton. … What? You still want the directions? Fine. But don’t say I didn’t warn you.

2. Start out by going Northwest on Camden Dr. towards Olympic Blvd. … Which way’s northwest? … Jeez—do I have to do everything for you? Just drive towards your crazy ex-girlfriend’s apartment. … What do you mean which crazy ex-girlfriend? All three of them live on the same block.

3. Get onto the freeway.

4. Get off of the freeway.

5. Lock your door, close your windows, and start praying to every God under and over the sun.

Directions from 123 Hill St. Chicago IL to 456 Main Blvd. Chicago IL

1. You do realize 456 Main Blvd. is a brothel?

2. I’m not judging you or anything. I’m sure you have a good explanation for all of this.

3. Do you realize how miserable prostitutes are?

4. No—I’m not saying you’re singlehandledly supporting the industry.

Directions from 123 Oak St. San Antonio TX to 456 Main Blvd. San Antonio TX

1: OK. Start out going NORTHEAST on OAK ST toward PARK DR. 0.1 mi

2: Turn RIGHT onto LINCOLN DR. 1.7 mi., and you’ll see my cousin Ray Ray on the corner. He'll give you the rest of the directions. He also sells weed.