"Offending people is a necessary and healthy act. Every time you say something that's offensive to another person, you just caused a discussion. You just forced them to have to think." Louis C.K.
Louis C.K is absolutely right.
You know what I did yesterday? I went to a Best Buy, got a Louis C.K. CD, put it on the floor in the middle of the store, and took a piss all over it.
So you better believe I forced people to think. They had to think when they saw that.
There was some guy looking at me, and I could tell he was thinking, "I better start thinking about this one." It was like a Zen moment. I think I enlightened him. I enlightened him by doing that, and Louis C.K. enlightens people by offending us with pedophilia jokes.
How come Louis C.K.'s pedophilia jokes aren't studied by Zen Buddhists? That's what I want to know. Don't they realize that's the path to enlightenment?
It's too bad Einstein wasn't around to hear Louis C.K.'s routine. That would've forced him to do some more thinking. I actually think we're on the verge of making thousands of Enistein-like breakthroughs. After all, Louis C.K. is an offensive son of a bitch. That should lead to plenty of thinking.
I'm just glad that I'm also doing my part. By pissing on Louis C.K. CDs. So I'm a great man, like His Holiness Louis C.K. Plus, I got into trouble--like Galileo. So it's actually me and Galileo, and then Louis C.K. The three of us are causing some serious intellectual activity. Louis C.K. with his offensive material, me with my taking a piss all over his CD, and Galileo with whatever the hell he did.
Oh--and let's not forget about the extremely offensive guy who lives on my block. Charlie Jones. He swears at old ladies, kicks dogs, blasts porno movies on his speakers, and offers plenty of commentary on Jews, Puerto Ricans, blacks, and Mexicans. I used to think he was just an offensive guy--but little did I know he was a public benefactor. Like Louis C.K.
I'm going to ruin Louis C.K.'s career. Louis--you messed with the wrong guy. It's over for you.
OK. Let's analyze Louis C.K.'s "Being White." It's part of one of his stand up comedy routines. Apparently, it's very highly regarded. People think it's clever. People think it's funny.
By the way--I'm a comedian. My name's Rodney Ohebsion. I'm funny. I'm hilarious. I'm the funniest guy in the world. Not Louis C.K. So hopefully by saying that, I'll really get on the good side of a lot of Louis C.K. fans. I'm pretty sure that's the way things work. Is that the way things work?
I'm going to use the text version of Louis's routine--but make sure you see the video, because you have to see the expression on Louis C.K.'s face. It's unbelievable. he thinks he's so funny, clever, insightful, and original. I just want to wipe that freaking expression off of his face.
A lot of it comes from his exposure to undeserved praise. It's on his face.
Wipe that expression off of your face, Louis! You should have an expression that indicates how funny I am. Not just when you're on stage. Permanently. Even when you're ordering a sandwich at Subway. You should have an expression indicating how funny Rodney Ohebsion is.
I'm funny. I'm hilarious. I'm the funniest guy in the world. Maybe not right now. But I'm funny. Just take my word for it. I'm freaking funny. Not Louis C.K..
Anyways, let me get into his routine. On the advantages of being white. Wow. How did he come up with that? I'll never know. That's amazing. Now I get why people are so intent on criticizing comedians who stole from Louis C.K. It's because Louis C.K. is the world's ultimate source of originality. Louis C.K. On being white. How did he come up with that? What's his secret? Maybe he flipped through some channels and came across some other asshole talking about the same thing.
He's telling people what they want to hear. He knows this theme will do well with his crowds. He tests material with smaller crowds, and he yields a safe, unoriginal routine. And people think he's edgy. He just goes with whatever will work with his target audience. That's edgy? Are you kidding me?
Anyways, here's Louis C.K. on being white.
"Sorry I'm being so negative. I'm a bummer. I don't know. I shouldn't be. I'm a very lucky guy. I got a lot going from me. I'm a healthy, I'm relatively young. I'm white--which, thank God for that shit. Boy. That is a huge leg up--are you kidding me? I love being white. I really do. Seriously, if you're not white you're missing out, because this shit is thoroughly good."
OK. So Louis C.K. is very thankful for the fact that he's white. He should be thankful that he has an undeserved reputation. That's the routine that I want to hear. Just give me an hour long special on that, Louis. Actually, I'll give you an hour long special on that. Only it'll be ten hours long.
Believe it or not, all of Louis's material thus far got plenty of laughs from the crowd. Someone explain that to me. So far, we've heard a set up for the actual jokes--but the set up got laughs. Is it the expression on Louis's face? The one I want to knock off of the earth? I don't want to just knock it off of his face. I want to knock it off of the universe.
If I ever go into a comedy club and I come across an audience that resembles a Louis C.K. crowd, that's it. I'm just going to spend an hour--make that ten hours--make that as long as I can until they drag me off of the stage--berating them for laughing at Louis C.K.'s set up. That'll be my routine. I'm sure they'll love that.
"Let me be clear by the way. I'm not saying that white people are better. I'm saying that being white is clearly better. Who could even argue? If it was an option, I would reup ever year. Oh yeah--I'll take white again. Absolutely. I've been enjoying that. I'll stick with white, thank you."
OK. Finally, there's some humor in this. He got plenty of laughs during the set up. But whatever. This comes from he process I mentioned earlier--Louis C.K. testing material with small crowds. He should be embarrassed by this. I don't care if people are praising it or it has millions of views on YouTube. He should be embarrassed.
Next → Louis C.K.'s TIme Machine