I'm funnier than Louis C.K. I'm the funniest guy in the world. But for some reason, his fans on the internet don't agree with me. Which is ridiculous.
I'm the funniest person in the world. Don't compare someone like Louis C.K. to me. I'm more original than Louis C.K. Obviously. And I'm more clever than Louis C.K. We're talking about a guy who talks about rape, farts, marijuana, white privilege, and being overweight; and uses terms like f----t, c--t, and n----r.
His videos have millions of views? I deserve those views. I'm getting those views. Just not on earth. Aliens love my comedy. They're laughing right now. Do you think aliens are listening to Louis C.K.? Among them, I'm a legend, and Louis is nobody. In alienland, I have millions of views on YouTube. Louis has ten. And all ten of those people committed suicide immediately after listening to him. I have a billion views. No suicides. I prevent people from committing suicide.
Louis CK's not funny. Well, he's funny. He's funny sometimes. But I'm ultimately a better comedian.
Now on earth, Louis C.K. fans are going to come across this and insult me. That's what's been happening. But I still do this. Why? Because I'm a like a martyr when it comes to my career. I'm letting people destroy my career. Just so I can spread my message. Which people need to hear. Because very few people are doing this.
So basically, Louis C.K. will tell you what you want to hear. He'll tell you whatever will advance his career. I'm doing something else entirely. But he's considered the guy who's edgy, who's offensive, and who'll say anything, even if it'll hurt his career.
Listen assholes! It's not Louis C.K. who's doing that. It's Rodney Ohebsion.
But nobody cares. They want Louis C.K. on Bill Maher's show, and they want him to make his white privilege / farts come out of your ass comments--especially if they relate to something that's "relevant." Louis C.K. is relevant, Bill Maher is relevant, certain topics are relevant. Whenever Mr. Relevant goes on to Mr. Relevant's relevant show, discusses relevant topics, and puts his "it's good to be white / I'm so offensive that I'm clever" angle on the whole thing, it gets plenty of attnetion and praise. Which is fine with me. Why the hell would I want attention like that? That's the chepaest, most meaningless attention in the world. The second I get any type of attention like that, I'm going to start a war against the people responsible for it.
When you have something in the way of current fame, when you're on the hot list like Bill Maher and my BFF Louis C.K., people care about damn near everything you say and do. I'm not in that boat. Just look at the Rodney Ohebsion Show. Every spisode of it is more meaningful than Bill Maher or Louis C.K.'s career, and yet, Bill Maher or Louis C.K.'s most generic, mundane comment gets more attention than my entire career. Good for you, Bill. Good for you, Louis. I stand in awe of your well-earned relevance.
One of my Louis C.K. themed episodes of the Rodney Ohebsion Show got the following comment:
"WTF? Who is Ohebsion? Dude... I would NEVER listen to your show'."
I'm going to get that asshole to remove those quotes. It is a show. You would never listen to my show? You know what, buddy? You are going to listen to my show. Who is Ohebsion? Everyone's going to know who Ohebsion is soon. I'm going to be the most famous person on the planet. And Mr. Who is Ohebsion is going to know who I am.
"We only care about you if you're famous." That's what I come across all day.
Aliens--are you listening to this? The Aliens are listening to this. They're loving it.
I'm not going the standard route. People do things the standard way. They try to promote themsleves. They try to present a certain image-as in "I'm already famous, I'm already succesful, I'm already this, I'm already that." They tell people what they eant to hear. They suck up to the right people. They don't just post things the way I do. That's one thing (among an infnite number of things) that makes me a legend.
"WTF? Who is Ohebsion? Dude... I would NEVER listen to your 'show'."
Louis C.K. is a very famous person. Rodney Ohebsion isn't. Thank you for letting me know that.
Vincent Van Gogh was a nobody. He produced 2000 works of art and remained a nobody.
"WTF? WHo is Van Gogh? Dude... I would never look at your 'art'."
Nikola Tesla was digging ditches at one point in his life. After quitting at Edison's Company. Not that there's anything wrong with digging ditches. I've dug some dtiches before. But Tesla was an inventor, and at one point, he was digging ditches for minimum wage, just to get by. He invented the modern world--but at one point, nobody cared.
"WTF? WHo is Tesla? Dude... I would never use AC 'power'."
Nikola Tesla--inventor of the modern world. Vincent Van Gogh--revolutionary artist. Rodney Ohebsion--I'm not sure what Rodney Ohebsion does. But he does something.
Aliens know it. Humans are going to know it, too. The world is going to learn from my example. The fact that I was a nobody while people analyzed Maher and C.K.--the world's going to learn from that. Hopefully. The aliens have already learned that lesson.
Or maybe I should just market myself and tell people what they want to hear. The way other people do. I'll be Rodney C.K., or Rodney KFC, or Rodney Okey Dokey. Make that Rodney O. K-E Dough K-E. And I'll put out an album titled White America's C--tish Behavior, and How I'm the N----r Who Will Change It. By Calling People F----ts. By the Way--I Love Weed.
Whatever you want. I don't care.
People are demanding it. They're begging me to do it. That's what they're trying to produce.
I'll do all of that, and then I'll suck up to a few hundred people. And maybe then, I'll be invited onto Bill Maher's show. And I'll run my mouth about something. And that'll get me more coverage than the entire career of some loser no one's ever heard of. Like the next Van Gogh.
I'm a good guy, though. I even like Louis C.K. I'm funnier than him--but I like him. Kind of. I like Pootie Tang. "Whadatey." I've seen Pootie Tang a number of times. Not recently. I want to see it again. But I don't want Louis C.K. to make any more money. I guess I can watch highlights of it on YouTube. But I don't want Louis's view counts to increase. So I'll just replay it in my head. Yeah. Louis won't get a dime. "Whadatey." "I'm Dirty Dee, damn it." "Sign your pitty on the runny time."
I'm friends with Louis, though. I'm a fan of his. Sort of. Although to be honest, I haven't really seen or listened to much of his work. Of course, that didn't stop me from trashing him for a few hours. That also makes me a legend.