Before I get started, let me just point out that I'm not anti-Semitic--I just hate Israel. And I mean I really hate Israel. In fact, I hate Israel so much that I hate the descendants of people who lived there 3000 years ago. But that being said, I have nothing against the Jews.
If you think that anything in here is in any way, shape, or form anti-Semitic, you're mistakenly equating an anti-Israel stance with a hatred of Jews.
Anyways, the hidden hand of the Jews runs almost everything in the world. Three years ago, I began a quest to single-handedly infiltrate the Jewish conspiracy camp and uncover the closely guarded secrets of its highest ranking organization--the WWWSSSPPPWWWSSSPPP (World Wide Web of Sly Sanhedrin Snakes Picking People’s Pockets Without Waking the World So Some Semitic People can Prosper Permanently).
I used my extensive knowledge of Woody Allen movies and Curb Your Enthusiasm episodes to develop a Jew personality, and then I made the new me complete with a false name and identity: I was now Donnie Brascowitz, a loud-mouthed, hypochondriac New York carpet seller turned Los Angeles high-interest moneylender.
My plan was simple: I would spend three hours a day at an L.A. Kosher Deli, start talking to any random asshole I could find, and go out of my way to complain and get into over-the-top debates about your typical Jewish hot topics (Mel Gibson, Palestinians, taxes)—all in hopes of making the right impression on the right people, earning an invitation into the inside of the Jewish Snake, and eventually making it to the inner sanctum that secretly heads the coordinated beast that runs the world.
I kept up the Deli routine for eight months before making any noticeable progress—but one day, my ranting and raving caused a group of high ranking Jewish conspirators to invite me to their table and then into their homes and social circle.
Impressed by my zealous and often completely irrational defense of anything that in any way supported Jewish interests, they began grooming me for a career in Jewry, and gradually bumped me up the ladder towards the Mount Sinai Top of Jewspiracies.
Fifteen months later, I was in like Wynn: my new Jew buddies invited me to a special secret meeting--and after being blindfolded and driven to an undisclosed location that smelled like a combination of bagels and Gentile blood, I found myself in a large sanctuary filled with about 3000 Jewish men and 26 burning Mel Gibson effigies.
The Jews started off the meeting by worshiping money.
(Again--none of this is anti-Semitic. I'm just telling you what happened. Granted, I might've made up some of it--but that doesn't make me an anti-Semite. It just means I hate Israel. And if you think that making up something about Jews worshipping money has nothing to do with Israel, you're mistakenly connecting...)
Forty minutes later, the Head Serpent—a tall bearded fellow with dollar signs in place of pupils—walked up to the stage and addressed the group:
God I love money! I love it!
Anyways, let me start off by extending a big Gentile-hating “Shalom” to our eight new co-conspirators: Alvy Caponowitz, John Gottfried, Larry Lucianbergstein, Donnie Brascowitz, Bugsmeyer Seigelansky, Jimmy Hoffenfeld, Primoses Sidonastein, and Abraham Isaac Morganrosenbergowittenstein.
You guys are here because you’ve managed to prove your complete loyalty and devotion to our mission.
Now then, let me start off by acknowledging that we‘re all a bunch of wolves whose rightful place is to rule over our sheep—the 99.8% of the world we refer to as the Gentiles.
[Again--none of this makes me anti-Semitic. A Jew called all other Jews wolves. The fact that I might've made the whole thing up only shows that Israel is a country, and that not all Jews live in or support it.]
“But why?” some of you newcomers might be thinking. “Why devote our lives to running the world and screwing the shit out of everyone else?”
I’ll tell you why.
It’s fucking fun! We get off on it.
But how do we —a group of millions—dominate a world of billions?
Through the Six Jewy Points of David’s Star.
Number ONE—we only do business with each other. I’ll show you how it works: Jew A sells something to Jew B for $100, Jew B sells it to Jew C for $1,000, Jew C sells it to Jew D for $10,000, Jew D sells it to Jew E for $100,000, Jew E sells it to Jew F for $1,000,000, Jew F sells it to Jew G for $10,000,000, Jew G sells it Jew H for $100,000,000—and that way, we all get rich.
Now, I know what some of you are thinking: “Aren’t we just distributing money amongst ourselves?”
No. And why? Because Jew H will sell the item to Gentile A for $1,000,000,000.
Number TWO—we created and continue to create anti-Semitism just so we can have an excuse to whine about it. That’s right. We make it seem like we’re a target, even though all Gentiles love the Jews and would never dream of hurting them in any way, shape, or form.
Number THREE—we use our programming to brainwash and control the Gentiles. We distract them with Family Matters reruns and Boys World magazine, confuse them with pointless debates on the View and CNN, convince them that they need food and water in order to be happy, and make it so that they can’t even think anymore without our suggestions.
Let me show you how it works: If, say, we show three episodes of Mr. Belvedere followed by one episode of Gilligan’s Island, people will be more likely to vote Republican; but if we show three episodes of Gilligan’s Island followed by one episode of Mr. Belvedere, they’ll be more likely to vote Democrat. (And if we show ten consecutive episodes of Gilligan’s Island, they’ll be more likely to commit suicide.)
Number FOUR—we manipulate the Gentiles with praise, awards, and attention. They're so vain and egotistical that they’ll sacrifice their own children for a MTV Video Music Award. And half of them are so deranged that they’ll actually watch a show like the Academy Awards, just to give our Jewmanipulawards even more value—and some will even pay us $1.5 million for a thirty minute ad (which won’t even do them any good considering how we’ve already brainwashed everyone with Gilligan’s Island and Mr. Belvedere). It’s pretty much like they’re all begging us to manipulate and screw them. (In fact, the way I see it, we’re just giving them what they want.)
Numbers FIVE and SIX are secrets that only nine of us are allowed to know at any one time—but let me give you a clue: I’m using them to take money out of your pocket at this very moment!
We’ve been using the Six Jewy points to screw people over since the day we got Adam and Eve to eat those apples, and over the years, we’ve refined it to something that’s even better than a science. And as for those who cry about us and try to rebel—they really don’t realize who they’re fucking with! I mean, you can try to stop Niagara Falls with your finger—but the next day, you’ll end up with a broken metacarpal bone, a 27% APR loan on your home, and four liens on your life and soul.
Everything’s going according to plan (aside from a few thousand major roadblocks and bumps), and we’re on our way to Jewscrewing the Gentiles to completion. And after fully demoralizing them and conquering the entire world in the name of Zion, we’ll cross the DNA of Mayer Rothschild and Barbra Streisand, and create a Super Jew Emperor to rule over the entire fucking planet.
And then what?
We’ll go after ourselves.
Why?
Because we’re way too greedy to just stop at the Gentiles.
Copyright 2010 Rodney Ohebsion