We might think we know cause and effect—but that’s simply the effect of our extreme delusion.
We sometimes assume that A causes B—but for all we know, B might not even be in the alphabet.
For instance, when we see a bowling ball roll into a bunch of pins that fall over, we simply assume that the ball knocked down the pins—but in reality, this book might not even exist! Or when the country’s messed up, we all look at the President—but there’s a good chance Elvis Presley broke up the Beatles.
Or when a woman we slept with tells us she’s pregnant, we’re tempted to think we impregnated her—but dagnabbit, I know for a fact that it isn’t mine. Or, um… based on the information we have, we could just as easily conclude that vitamin C causes scurvy.
And yet, not only are we usually convinced that A causes B, we often go so far as to assume that anything that seems to resemble A will cause B or something like it, or that the existence of A means a thousand other things.
Just because bin Laden is nuts, we shouldn’t assume that all bearded men are pretty much like him. (But just to be safe, you might want to avoid making direct eye contact with anyone who has more than a stubble.) And just because the Patriots have covered the spread nine straight times against the Dolphins, we shouldn’t assume that they’ll do it again. (Believe me—I know. My recently foreclosed home is proof of that theory.) And just because you’re basically an asshole, it doesn’t mean that you’re incapable of doing something nice for someone. (And I say that despite the fact that I have plenty of evidence indicating otherwise.) And just because Tuesday has always followed Monday in the past, that doesn’t mean it’ll continue to do so in the future. (Which is exactly why I don’t believe in appointment books). And just because the last four examples have been followed by a parenthetical, there’s no guarantee that this one will. (In fact, I’m going to make sure it won’t—just to make a point.)
So for God’s non-existent sake, stop making so much out of every A you come across, and don’t be so quick to blame Yoko Ono for what happened to your blue suede shoes.
The Apology of Socrates
Rene Descartes: Discourse on the Cane
Immanuel Kant: Critique of Pure Bull
Arthur Schopenhauer: The Glass is Half Full...
Nietzsche: The Anti Tzschurch & The Nietzschruth
Ludwig Wittgenstein: Eveything is Bull