I'm a decent, honest, respectable, hardworking family man who lives in the greatest country in the world: the United States of America. I go to Church on Sundays, I go to work on Mondays through Fridays, and I eat a meat-based dinner with my family as frequently as possible (--sometimes two or three times a day). I drive an American car, I drink American beer, I shoot an American gun, and I enjoy a wide variety of non-gay, non-pornographic, non-Muslim activities such as fishing, praying (to Jesus), barbecuing, skeet shooting, and guarding our borders.

America is better than every other country in the world combined (especially the ones in Northern Europe)--but tens of millions of liberals are out to change that.

Liberals want to change the American family into one with two lesbians, two and a half homosexual men, and a transsexual cat. (Just listen to what the se two lunatics are saying.) They want to replace pork chops and potatoes with wheat-free bread and dairy-free cheese (--as this asshole demonstrates). They want to get rid of your favorite football team and watch a bunch of long-haired European sissies running around playing that abomination we call soccer (and they have the nerve to call football). They want to become best friends with terrorists who want to kill every non Muslim extremist on the planet.

They want to make marijuana legal (--and pieces of garbage like this one also want the government to pay for it and force you to use it) and religion ille gal, underage pornography legal and morals illegal, suicide bombs legal and guns illegal, and socialism legal and capitalism illegal.

They chose a Kenyan spy and marijuana addict over an honest American war hero, and a a total lunatic over a respectable, principled, energetic woman

Liberals are planning to get into their hybrids, follow the lead of the atheist-Islamic terrorist antichrist Barack Hussein Genghis O-Khan-a, and try to take over American churches as if they're 13th century Manchuria.

Liberals hate freedom.

They want to control you. They want to be your puppet master. They're trying to bombard you with their liberal beliefs and ideologies through TV, movies, books, magazines, newspapers, and the internet, and change the laws of our land so that freedoms that conflict with their beliefs are illegal.

They want to make liberalism the only legal choice. They want to eliminate non-liberal ideas and beliefs from the media.

And they'll resort to anything in order to promote their cause.

Liberals manipulated the media in order to elect Barack Hussein "I Came, I Saw, I Pissed All Over the Founding Fathers" Obama--and even that is hardly anything compared to what they do and what they've been doing since well before we'd even heard of Obama.

Liberals control the media (including Conservapedia). It's tough to get anything through there without the liberal stamp of approval. In fact, any time something makes it through that doesn't meet the absurd liberal standards of fairness, appropriateness, and political correctness, people are pretty much shocked--and of course, millions of liberals let us know about it with their ridiculous complaints. (Like this one.)

And the liberal media is attempting to frame you of every crime committed in human history (especially if you're white), even though you've never done anything wrong in your life. You're a family man or woman. You work hard and pay your taxes or you run the house and raise the kids. You've never committed a crime in your life. You don't sag your pants, you don't drive some Japanese subcompact hybrid, and you wouldn't kick a soccer ball if someone paid you $1 million. You're a saint--but the liberals want everyone to think you shot JR.

And to make matters worse, liberals are trying to spend your money! Your money! Money that belongs to you! Money that you worked for! They want to spend it on their Che Guevara t-shirts, and their marijuana and marijuana accessories, and their U2 tickets, and their Abercrombie & Fitch communist outfits.

And they're even giving some of your money to a bunch of illegal immigrants they practically invited into the country. They rolled out a red carpet for Mexicans to come into this country, and now they're giving them the money you earned and saved!

Just picture some lowlife liberal asshole rolling around in a bunch of the money he stole from you. He doesn't respect the men on those bills. Men like Benjamin Franklin, George Washington, and Thomas Jefferson. Men who worked so hard to create a free and fair country that isn't overrun by gays, jazz musicians, and soccer players.

Those men created a utopia, you worked hard to earn the currency that honors them--and now some son of a bitch liberal named Aiden or Parker is using it on prostitutes, abortions, and drugs. He probably wants to turn your daughter into a prostitute. That son of a bitch is using your money to be the son of a bitch he is!

And who's that next to him? None other than Ramon Fernando Rigoberto Hernandez--the illegal immigrant who has paid a grand total of zero dollars in income taxes since he got here last decade! You've been paying his bills for ten years. Remember the hundred dollars you made on August 15, 2002? He used that money to rent a Mariachi band.

Wait. Let me just stop for a second to show you a Halliburton ad:

Halliburton isn't even paying me to show that ad. I just put it there because I support them. I support Halliburton as much as I support Jesus Christ himself. Whenever I save up any money, I send it to Halliburton's CEO. Because I want to be part of whatever they're doing. And because they hate liberals. All liberals are complete and total sons of bitches--and if it weren't for companies like Halliburton, they'd overtake the earth and turn it into one gigantic wind powered Northern Europe.

Do you actually think wind is going to power the world? Good luck with that.

Illegal immigrants like Ramon are spending your money. And if you don't have a job in the first place, it's because Ramon stole it.

And he's standing in front of you in line at the post office. Ramon Fernando Rigoberto Hernandez is in your country, he has a pocket full of your cash, he has your job, and he's standing in front of you in line--and odds are that he's going to buy a money order and send it to his family in Mexico. That money isn't even going back into the American economy. His family's going to use it to buy an Uncle Sam pinata, and then bust it open with a bat that definitely wasn't made in America.

Nothing's made in America anymore. Why? Because sons of bitches like Aiden and Ramon are busy buying Hondas and Nintendo Wiis, and doing their best to ruin this country.

And don't forget about Barack Obama. He's like a billion Ramons and Aidens.

I'm actually not too pissed at Ramon. At least he's an honest, hardworking Christian family man. Ramon's a decent guy. (Although I don't know about that Tecate crap he drinks. And he needs to turn to Jesus, instead of following that Mexican knockoff Hey-Seuss.)

But Obama's another story altogether. Obama is a complete piece of garbage. That son of a bitch has never worked a day in his life. Working as a community activist isn't working. And senators don't do anything. Not to mention the fact that he was never really a senator. The moment he became one, he began campaigning to become President.

That's not work.

Has Barack Obama every worked in a coal mine? Has he? Are you kidding me? Are you kidding me? Liberals don't work in coal mines. They drive electric cars that use power provided by coal, and then they congratulate themselves for being such amazing people. They eat food farmed by hard working Americans who use tractors powered by gasoline, but they seem to think the food came straight from liberal Heaven to their plates. Oh--and let's not forget that the food was transported by a truck powered by more gasoline.

Matt Damon doesn't care about any of that. In his deluded mind, his liberalness is responsible for powering the car and bringing the food to his plate. No coal was mined and burned, no food was grown and transported--Matt Damon and Richard Dawkins used their atheist powers to make it all happen.

Isn't that just like a liberal?! They don't believe in God because they're nothing but pure and infinite egos. Just look at Matt Damon. Look at him! He always looks like he's worshipping himself.

He's like the Grand Wizard of the Lunatic Liberal League (--and his followers include people like this son of a bitch). Matt Damon's mere existence over the course of one second is worse than everything the KKK has done throughout its history. And he wants to turn the US into something that's even worse than Northern Europe. If Matt Damon had his way, the US would make Northern Europe look like Puritan America.

Aside from Barack Obama and Joe Biden, Matt Damon is the biggest lowlife in all of human history. He's completely full of himself. And I mean completely. Atheists are claiming the post big bang universe contained an entire universe worth of matter in an infinitesimal space. Well guess what? Matt Damon has that beat. Every fiber in Matt Damon's being contains an infinite amount of Matt Damon. If Einstein were to devise a way to release the self-centeredness, smug, and conceit in one Matt Damon cell, it would destroy everything but God. This universe, other universes, the past, present, and future, time, space--everything. One Matt Damon cell contains enough to obliterate it all.

When Matt Damon looks into a mirror, the mirror can't take it. Matt Damon looking at Matt Damon is too much for a mirror. It vaporizes.

I've never even considered watching a Matt Damon movie, but I'll tell you what: if Matt Damon were to star in The Coal Miner--a 300 hour long film of just him mining for coal, I would watch it a thousand times. 99% of all films should be The Coal Miner starring Matt Damon. In fact, I think we need to make it happen. In order to defeat liberalism from its very root, we need to make Matt Damon a coal mining slave.

Matt Damon, Joe Biden, and Barack Obama. There should be a dozen channels on TV showing nothing but the three of them mining coal. I want multiple cameras, replays, John Madden, Pat Summerall, and plenty of Halliburton commercials. And I want Bill Belichick to stand over Obama and friends with a whip.

Real Americans want to see Bill Belichick whipping Matt Damon. That's our right as Americans. Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. Matt Damon wants to take your life. Matt Damon wants to take your liberty. And seeing a whip mark on Matt Damon's back would make me infinitely happy.

That's the only way we're going to be able to protect freedom in America. If you want peace, you have to be ready for war; and if you want freedom, you're going to have to enslave a few people.

But you don't need to force me to mine for coal. In fact, you don't even need to pay me. Just knowing that I'm doing my part to combat alternative energy is payment enough.

Coal mining ranks up there as one the ultimate American activities. I think all schools should be moved to coal mines, and recesses should be replaced with coal mining. That's the only American way--and anyone who says otherwise is a Northern European piece of garbage.

Working in coal mines and using a ton of gasoline--that's what makes you a man. That's what makes you a real American. Driving your electric car to a raw food restaurant and voting for Barack Obama--that makes you a hypocritical communist son of a bitch.

All liberals are hypocrites, all liberals are communists, and all liberals are sons of bitches. Especially Barack Hussein Obama.

And that son of a bitch still isn't doing anything. He's been President for two years, and he still has yet to actually do a day's work. He spends most of his time on vacation--and when he's not on vacation, he's just in the White House eating hoagies and counting the money he's stolen from me.

I'll bet he's close friends with that son of a bitch Aiden. They're probably smoking marijuana and playing video games together at this very moment. And after they finish their blunts and rescue the princess, they'll probably think of some reasons to complain and some ways to piss me off/

That's pretty much what liberals do. Thats's their job. They make ridiculous complaints and they piss off honest, hardworking, principled, tax-paying conservatives like me.

That's what makes them liberals. They're devoted to complaining about some total nonsense. They came up with the manmade global warming theory because they were running low on absurd reasons to complain. Al Gore spent thousands of dollars (that he stole from honest Americans) on that device he used to point at a chart showing the dramatic increase in his insanity levels.

Liberals have been caught falsifying data in order to support their global warming theories. They also made a fake fossil to support their theory of common descent. And they've produced plenty of nonsense studies and statistical analyses to convince us that smoking is unhealthy. (They're wrong.) Except for marijuana smoking--which they consider the world's perfect everything (as this liberal asshole demostrates.)

They'll resort to anything in order to promote their ideas, complain about nonsense, and annoy the hell out of you.

All liberals are con men.

And even if you buy into their global warming insanity, their crusade against it still doesn't make any sense. Encouraging people to drive hybrids completely ignores the reality of the situation. There's a factory in China that emits more greenhouse gasses than all of the world's gas powered vehicles combined. A hundred billion hybrid vehicles won't make a significant difference.

Not to mention the fact that releasing greenhouse gasses doesn't cause global warming. In fact, greenhouse gasses are good for the environment. They make it stronger. Because they let God know that we're doing something, and we're not a bunch of godless Matt Damonites and unemployment check collectors. God loves the smell of cars and factories emitting greenhouse gasses. Driving a full sized Buick or operating a factory is the modern day equivalent of sacrificing a goat.

Al Gore hates God. He's the most insane person in the world other than Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Matt Damon.

All liberals are insane. Sanity is not compatible with liberalism.

The Democratic National Convention should be in a room with padded walls. The entire city of San Francisco should have padded everything.

Barack Obama is the most insane son of a bitch in human history. And he's even more full of himself than Matt Damon. He's managed to surpass the infinity mark.. Infinity can't keep up with Barack Obama's conceit. Even Matt Damon can't believe it.

The typical liberal is like someone who thinks he belongs at the front of every line at the amusement park because he's wearing Abercrombie & Fitch pants. Matt Damon thinks he owns the amusement park. Barack Obama thinks the entire universe is Obamaland.

Barack Obama wants to kill Mickey Mouse, Bugs Bunny, and especially Scrooge McDuck. He wants to kill capitalism. As do all other liberals.

"I do think at a certain point you've made enough money" Barack Hussein Obama

Barack Obama has a net worth of $5 million. He lives the lifestyle of a billionaire using taxpayer money. He spent $200 million on his inauguration.

And Nancy Pelosi spent $3,000 of our money on flowers over the course of several months. And another $3,000 on bottled water. Bottled water! What is she--a camel!? Did she spend a few months storing up a lifetime's worth of water? How the hell can a human being spend $3,000 on bottled water?! Is she showering with it? No. Because she showers in the blood of dead conservatives. And then she dries off with a Saudi Arabian flag.

Aside from Barack Obama, Joe Biden, and Matt Damon, Nancy Pelosi is the most shameless person in the world.

Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi want to kill Scrooge McDuck, take his money, and spend it all on bottled water, flowers, and anything that'll make them feel like they live at Xanadu. Oh--and they also want to buy bombs for Muslim terrorists.