Rodney Ohebsion

Highest Grossing Movies of All Time (Worldwide, Inflation Adjusted)

Avatar (2009) $2.8 billion

Titanic (1997) $2.8 billion

Old and Long (1939) $2.8 billion

Hollywood Clichefest 5: The 3rd Remake Episode -2½ Part 7.5 Part 3 (2011) $2.8 billion

Star Wars Episode IV (1977) $2.8 billion

James Bond XXXIX: 627% Average Return on Investment (2018) $2.0 billion

Jaws Finds Nemo (and Eats Him) (1980) $1.9 billion

Nemoby Dick: The Reincarnation as a Whale (1981) $1.8 billion

Harry Potter (1776) $1.5 billion

The Lord of the Rings: Quality Engagement Rings at Everyday Low Prices (1812) $1.5 billion

Greese / Saturday Night Fever Doubleheader (1979) $1.5 billion

Jurassic Park (1993) $1.4 billion

E.T.: We're Not Sure What That Stands For (1982) $1.4 billion

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid Episode I: Butch Cassidy (1998) $1.4 billion

The Sound of Music (1965) $1.3 billion

Music, No Sound (1966) $1.3 billion

Men in Black (1997) $1.2 billion

Independence Day (1996) $1.1 billion

Rosh Hashanah (3761 BCE) $1.1 billion

Pirates of the Public Pool (2009) $1 billion

Batman Meets Frankenstein (2008) $1 billion

Rambo Meets Rocky (2010) $1 billion

Superman, Spider-Man, Hulk, and the X Men File Taxes (2013) $1 billion

The Ghost Busters (1985) $1 billion

Pinocchio Plays Pocket Pool (a.k.a. Splinter) (1940) $1 billion

The Godfather IV: Everyone Dies (2009) $983 million

Pretty Woman II: Back to Hooking (1997) $970 million

101 Holes in My Underwear II: The $2 Tax Deduction (1996) $954 million

1 Dalmatian, $100 in Veterinarian Bills (1974) $942 million

Kramer vs. Kramer III: The Thrilla in Manila $925 million

Kramer vs. Kramer vs. Kramer: A Triple Threat Match for the WWE Title (1999) $924 mil

Kramer vs. (Kramer vs. Kramer): The Real Life Kramer Sues the Makers of Kramer vs. Kramer (1992) $921 million

Kramer & Kramer vs. Johnson & Johnson (1995) $911 million

Lady vs. the Tramp (1990) $902 million

Home Alone VII: Kevin Joins the Wet Bandits (2005) $898 million

Home Alone VIII: A Stoned Kevin Protects His Home from Himself (2005) $898 million

The Sixth Sense Episode III: The Fifth Sense (2002) $802 million

The Seventh Sense: Cole Discovers That He Was Dead, and the Dead People Were Alive (2006) $801 million

Back to the Future IV: The Time Traveling Ron Popeil Rotisserie (1999) $801 million

Back to the Future V: The Doc Goes Back in Time and Prevents Himself from Inventing the Time Machine (2003) $800 million

Back to the Future VI: The Entire Back to the Future Series Disappears (2008) $800 million

Dances with Wolves (1990) $800 million

Defecates with Sheep (1990) $800 million

THe Da Vinci Code (2006) $780 million

The Transformers Transform into Non-Transformers (2008) $772 million

Indiana Jones and the 24 Pack of Tube Socks (2015) $759 million

The Passion of the Christ 2: Jesus’s Lost Final Sermon Blaming the Jews (2006) $732 million

The Passion of the Christ 3: DeMille’s 10 Commandments Dubbed in Hebrew (3) $728 mil

The Passion of the Christ 4: Jesus Tells a Parable About Sumner Redstone (4014) $715 million

The Passion of the Christ 5: Jesus Comments on Circumcision and Kosher Laws $715 million

The Passion of the Christ 6: Jesus Teams Up With Danny Glover (4013) $718 million

Lethal Weapon 6: Jesus Teams Up With Danny Glover II: The Passion of the Christ 7 (4400) $714 million

Kiss My Grits VIII: The Waitrix (1999) $712 million

The Butler VII: Benson-Hur (1959) $704 million

Beverly Hills Cop (1984) $704 million

Singin’ in the Rain, Man (1988) $665 million

Bottom Shelf, Top Gun (1986) $650 million

Mission: Difficult (1996) $627 million

Mission: Easy (1998) $618 million

Dr. No (1962) $611 million

Chiropractor Maybe (1991) $608 million

Blazing Saddles II: Hot Asses (1974) $600 million

Fatal Attraction II: Dan Hooks Up with Another Psycho (1989) $600 million

Fatal Attraction III: Will This Asshole Ever Learn His Lesson? (1991) $590 million

Fatal Attraction IV: Apparently Not (1993) $583 million

Fatal Attraction V: Now He’s the Psycho, and He’s After Catherine Zeta Jones $583 million

Look Who’s Not Talking: Mark Fuhrman (1995) $580 million

Ball Three, Shrek Two (2001) $553 million

Gladiator (2000) $547 million

Meet the Parents, Fock the Sister (2005) $540 million

The Simpsons Movie (2007) $540 million

The Simpsons Movie II: We Want Another $10 (2012) $538 million

The Simpsons Movie III: We’re Not Done with You Yet (2018) $538 million

Terminator Episode I: Encouraging Sarah Connors’s Grandmother to Have an Abortion (2098) $538 million

Terminator Episode II: Poisoning John Connor’s Baby Bottle (0) $533 million

Terminator Episode V: Attempting to Terminate John Connor’s Will to Live by Sending a Sexy Female Cyborg to Win Over His Heart and Dump Him Just Seconds After He Proposes to Her (234 BC) $532 million

Terminator Episode VIII: 114 Minutes of Action with No Plot (2) $530 million

Terminator Episode IX: 114 Minutes of Credits with No Film (37,878) $530 million

Toy Story (1995) $530 million

Tolstoy Story (1997) $530 million

The Fugitive Episode –III: Gerard Plays an Intense Game of Tag (1999) $527 million

Ocean’s Three: Robbing the Cafeteria (1974) $501 million

Die Hard 10: McLane Runs Out of Lives (2024) $460 million

Die Hard 11: The Funeral (2026) $460 million

There’s Something About Mary (1998) $458 million

True Bull (1994) $458 million

My Small Thin Japanese Wedding (2005) $458 million

My Crappy Costly Divorce Trial (2008) $453 million

The Silence of Mary’s Little Lamb (1992) $448 million

Bruce Almighty II: God Reveals That He’s Obama’s Father $443 million

Bruce Alwhitey: The KKK Takes on God and Obama $441 million

Ernest vs. Pee-Wee (1994) $400 trillion

Pee-Wee vs. Ernest (1996) $393 trillion

Highest Grossing Movies of All Time (On Mars, Inflation Adjusted)

Teenage Mutant Ninja Pastrami Sandwiches (2007) M789 billion

Weekend at Bernie’s III: The Resurrection (1997) M7.4 billion

Weekend at Bernie’s IV: Bernie’s Ashes (2000) M4.5 billion

Weekend at Bernie’s V: The Rehydration (2001) M1.8 billion

Weekend at Bernie’s VI: This One Has Nothing to Do With Bernie (2001) M1.6 billion

Weekend at Bernie’s VII: This One Has Nothing to Do With Parts I-VI (2001) M1.6 billion

American Pie Meets German Frankfurter (1999) M985million

Earth Girls Are Easy, Mars Girls Are Impossible (1988) M984million

Highest Grossing Movies of All Time (MilkyWayWide [and Long], Inflation Adjusted)

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off II: Ferris Bueller’s Week Off (1988) €98 zillion

Ferris Bueller’s Week Off II: Ferris Bueller’s Year Off (1989) €93 zillion

Ferris Bueller’s Year Off II: Ferris Bueller’s Decade Off (1999) €75 zillion

Ferris Bueller’s Decade Off II: I Don’t Think This Guy is Ever Going to Get a Job (2009) 68 zillion

Highest Grossing Movies of All Time (In Heaven) (By the Way—There is No Inflation in Heaven)

Larry the Cable Guy: First Man on Mars (2005) H45 billion

Halo Dolly, Goodbye Devil (1974) H39 billion

Highest Grossing Movies of All Time (In Hell, Inflation Adjusted)

The Ice Machine (1973) $73 trillion

Jasper: The Unfriendly White Supremacist (2009) $1 billion

Highest Movies of All Time (We Tried Adjusting for Inflation, But We Were So Stoned That We Couldn’t Find Our Calculator)

Cheech and Chong Get High (1984) 72 Miles

Cheech and Chong Get Rich—And Then Get High (1987) 64 Miles

Cheech and Chong Meet Snoop and Willie—And Then Get High (1997) 58 Miles

Cheech and Chong Get Low—And Then Get High (2005) 50 Miles

Cheech and Chong Get High—And Then Get High Again (1992) 53 Miles

Cheech and Chong Get High—And Then Get Higher (1992) 52 Miles

We Lost Count of How Many Times Cheech and Chong Got High (1999) 47 Miles

Grossest Movies of All Time

V is for Vomit (2001) Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeewww

Don’t Mention My Yeast Infection (1947) Eeeeeeeeeeeeeewww

The Diarrhea Diaries (1994) Eeeeeeeeeeewww

2 Grandmas, 1 Cup (2007) Eeeeeeeewww

Lowest Grossing Movies of All Time

The Enema (1999) -$32 million

The Enema II (2004) -$14 million

Takin’ Out the Trash—Literally (1988) $0.001/1000

Titanic 2 (1999) $0.03

Manure Man (2009) $0.16

Waterworld II: The Overflowing Toilet (2004) $1.47

Wash, Rinse, and Repeat (1984) $2.74

The Fast and the Furious 97: It Made Money the First 96 Times—Why Not Try for 97? (2089) $7.54

The Fast and the Furious 98: We Made This One Before Part 97 Was Released (2090) $8.12

The Fast and the Furious 99: This One’s More Like Part 1—We’re Pretty Sure it’s Going to Make Money (2094) $8.78

The Fast and the Feast (a.k.a. Yom Kippur) (2097) $11.45

The Feast and the Festival (a.k.a. Purim) (2099) $14.89

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