I just received a Grammy nomination for Best Comedy Album. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm not interested. I don't want a Grammy. I, Rodney Ohebsion, hereby decline my nomination.
You want to give me an award for Best Comedy Album? Yeah--now you want to give me an award. For all these years, you've ignored me. The industry has ignored me, the world has ignored me. Now all of a sudden, everyone's in line praising the works that were ignored before, or in some cases, criticized. You want to give me an award, so I can just join your bullshit system where things get promoted arbitrarily. You want me to give value to your bullshit? You think I want an award from you guys? Just look at your track record. You think I want to be among the ranks some of your past winners?
You want me to be part of the same system that nominated George Carlin's second to last album for a Best Comedy Album Grammy? That album didn't have any comedy on it. It was an album. I'll give you that. And George Calrin is a stand up comedian. Who was standing. He got half of it. He put out an album, and he was standing. I don't about the comedy part.
Maybe the Grammys emphasized the album part. "This is definitely an album. Yes. Album. George Carlin's album. It is an album. Let's give him an award."
Yeah--I'm sure I want one of those. Why the hell does anyone even give a shit about Grammy awards? Why do people go up there and cry when they receive one? Cry? Are you kidding me? I'd go up there and vomit. I'd vomit all over it. That's the appropriate emotional response to receiving a Grammy award.
Or what about Vanilla Ice? You gave him a Grammy, too. Don't get me wrong. I like Vanilla Ice. He's entertaining. And I like "Ice Ice Baby." But still. A Grammy? A Grammy's supposed to be something else. But it's not.
You know what? Every time you give someone a Grammy award, they should be forced to play "Ice Ice Baby." As a reminder of who you've given Grammy awards to in the past. And after the person receives his award, we should hear a clip from George Carlin's album. (I'm refusing to call it a comedy album.)
You think I'm going to go up there and accept a Grammy? I don't think so, assholes. Who are you to give me an award? Who do you think you are? You've got some nerve. I'll give you an award. If I want to. You can't give me an award. I decline your nomination. I decline. How do you like that, assholes? I don't even care about your awards. Why should I care? I don't watch that shit.
I'm embarrassed that you gave me a nomination. I'm embarrassed. You gave me a nomination? What does that say? I must be doing something wrong.
I'm going to have to decline. I'm not going to show up to your award ceremony.
I have integrity. I don't want a Grammy.
Honestly, I'm not 100% sure why you gave me a nomination in the first place. I don't even have any albums. So I don't know. Maybe I haven't received a nomination. Have I? Probably not. But this is basically a preemptive strike. Something like that. So if you're thinking of giving me a Grammy nomination, don't.