If you're black, Muslim, and/or gay, I want you to be my friend. I'd really prefer a Muslim, though. (And if you happen to be the trifecta of a gay black Muslim, I'll donate 10% of my unemployment checks to your local Mosque.) An Muslim friend is the ultimate liberal status symbol, along with a subcompact hybrid and an adopted African child. Unfortunately, I can't afford a hybrid or a kid--so I'm going to need the Rolls Royce of Muslims. As in, a Middle Eastern man with a beard, or an African American man with a bow tie.