If you're black, Muslim, and/or gay, I want you to be my friend.
I'd really prefer a Muslim, though. (And if you happen to be the trifecta of a gay black Muslim, I'll donate 10% of my unemployment checks to your local Mosque.)
But I'm only looking for serious Muslims. I mean the ones who can easily be identified as one due to a beard, bow tie, or outfit that looks like it might be hiding a suicide bomb. And the ones who pray five times a day, every day, no matter where they are. And I really mean that. If we're at a Kosher Deli and it's time for you to pray, I want you to get down right there and scare the shit out of everyone. (I don't normally go to Kosher Delis--but if I had a Muslim friend, I'd take him to one for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Watching conservatives and phony liberals get scared by Muslims is to liberals what seeing the Pope is to Catholics.)
An Islamic fundamentalist friend is the ultimate liberal status symbol, along with a subcompact hybrid, an adopted African child, and a receipt from an abortion doctor. Unfortunately, I can't afford a hybrid or a kid--so I'm going to need the Rolls Royce of Muslims.