Fox News

U.S.

Birth certificate reveals Obama’s real name
Obama destroys country
Communist hippies whine about stupid crap
Homosexual man attempts to corrupt your son
Obama worships Satan
Environmentalists kill people in order to save trees
Obama’s approval rating drops to 44%
National insanity rate drops to 44%

World

Obama destroys world
Cuba still poor (I wonder why?)
China becoming rich (I wonder why?)

Politics

Obama’s plan fails miserably
Obama impeached (in an ideal world)
Democrats admit they’re hypocrites

Entertainment

Liberal film attempts to brainwash the masses

Health

Liberal diet gurus to blame for obesity epidemic
Liberal media promotes anorexia, plastic surgery

Science & Technology

Global warming debate heats up—but not necessarily because of anything humans have done
Archaeologists unearth Obama bumper sticker in ancient Sodom
Godless liberals anger God, cause hurricane

Opinion Facts

Obama’s guilty of treason
Obama doesn’t know what he’s talking about
Obama doesn’t know what he’s doing
Obama’s a communist
Obama must be stopped

MSNBC

US & World

Obama still trying to clean up Bush’s mess
North Korean man adopts puppy
Poll names Obama greatest man ever (Jesus finishes #793 million, Bush #107 billion)
Capitalism causes another war
Religious nutcases destroy the world
“Slavery is OK,” says Judeo-Christian God
“Men pretty much own women,” says Muslim God
“16% of people should be treated like garbage,” says Hindu God

Politics

Obama’s plan more or less saves the world
Republicans attempt to lure Democrats into pointless debate
Republicans vote no on completely rational, sensible bill
Obama turns water into wine
Republicans attempt to repeal 13th Amendment

Business

Capitalist pigs rape world
Corporations take money out of your pocket
Evil oil company names Satan CEO, Ebenezer Scrooge CFO

Sports

Science defeats God, 6-2, 6-0, 6-1
Patriots win Super Bowl (with no help from God)

Entertainment

The Big Bang Theory tops TV ratings
Genesis reunion tour cancelled
Conservatives entertain themselves by stealing from the poor

Health

“Only rich people deserve to be healthy,” implies conservative asshole

Technology & Science

“God created the universe,” says deluded man
Christians attempt to kill science
“Conservatives are missing a ‘rational’ gene,” says intelligent scientist
Conservative asshole caught releasing greenhouse gasses for the sheer fun of it

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