News
World’s Strongest Man refuses to open jar for wife
Man seeks treatment for Sportscenter addiction
Rock, paper, scissors champ uses rock 73 straight times
Icelandic man wins World Series of Sunbathing
WWE forms Full Contact Musical Chairs League
Lee defeats Liddell in Kung Fu fan’s imagination
Liddell defeats Lee in UFC fan’s imagination
“We’re going to win it all!” says overly optimistic fan
Favre hints at comeback
Favre denies comeback rumors
“I’m coming back,” says Favre
“I never said I was coming back,” says Favre
Favre spotted buying jockstrap
Favre spotted returning jockstrap
Orioles sign Dominican 3 year old to $2.3 million deal
Reds sign Venezuelan fetus to $1.7 million deal
Astros acquire rights to Albert Pujols’s next two sons
Cardinals pay $2.3 million for Alex Rodriguez’s semen
Yankees purchase Puerto Rico for $927 billion
Mariners owner attempts to clone Ken Griffey, Jr.
“I’ve never even heard of steroids,” says 328 pound home run champ
Golf continues to bore most of us
“Just once, I’d like to run clockwise,” says track star
Ali guarantees third round knockout over Frazier
Tyson guarantees he’ll “kill that white motherfucker and sodomize his corpse”
De La Hoya guarantees he’ll “make a lot of money”
Foreman guarantees his grill will knock out the fat
348 pound lightweight boxer sues for weight discrimination
Bodybuilder says he has “killer quads”
Surfer describes a wave as “gnarly”
Beach volleyball star develops sand allergy
“I have no intention of going to Disneyland,” says Super Bowl winning QB
New Nike deal gives MJ, Tiger, and Lebron the entire company
“It’s all about the team,” says basketball star after breaking FG attempt record
All star goalie quits at age 23: “My face is too pretty to hide behind a mask”
Christian football player accidentally thanks Buddha for win
Atheist basketball player accidentally thanks God for win
God accidentally thanks Peyton Manning for win
Mexican sportscaster drops dead after yelling “Goal!”for 42 minutes
73 year old Jew climbs Mount Everest, complains about view
Sumo wrestler loses 200 pounds, signs deal with Jenny Craig
Sumo wrestler gains 200 pounds, sues Jenny Craig
Jenny Craig gains 40 pounds, sues herself
Hacky sack champion tests negative for marijuana
Hot dog eating champion seeks treatment for anorexia
Thumb wrestling champion sprains thumb
Sports trivia grandmaster can’t remember his wife’s birthday
Entire city of Buffalo on suicide watch for Bills-Eagles Super Bowl
Badminton player laughs after hearing the word “shuttlecock”
Superstitious dart thrower keeps actual bull’s eye in pocket
Bowler somehow knocks down 11 pins
Shawn Kemp somehow gets pregnant
“I thought we were playing doubles,” says stoned tennis player after loss
“I thought we were playing hopscotch,” says really stoned tennis player after loss
Hippie swimmer refuses to shave beard
Pro wrestler turned governor hits mayor with chair
Marco Polo champion admits his eyes were only 7/8 closed
“Ray Ray” Judkins named to athlete entourage Hall of Fame
Sissy coach punts on 4th and 1 from midfield while trailing by 7 in 3rd quarter
Lunatic coach goes for it on 4th & 1 from midfield while trailing by 7 in 3rd qtr.
Helmet Trick: Al Davis fires three head coaches in one game
“Hot Quarter” Quimby wins World Series of Lottery Scratchers
Romo 4-0 since first date with Spears
Cowboy fans urge Romo to marry Spears
Cowboy fans force Romo to marry Spears
Romo loses three straight after wedding
Jerry Jones forces Romo to divorce Spears
Romo wins three straight after converting to Buddhism
Texas secedes from the Union, changes name to Buddhist Republic of Texas
Cowboys sign the Dalai Lama to a 4 year deal worth $48 million
Lama wins fourth Super Bowl MVP
Cowboys change stadium name to Lamabeau Field
Wrestler not sure if he’s a face or heel, changes name to “Identity Crisis”
Victoria Beckham wins 3rd straight Dieting Championship
PLO member and Jewish wife to face off in Complaining Championship
Lakers move to South Dakota, change name to Plastic Surgeons