Rodney Ohebsion

The Truth About Elvis

Elvis Presley

On August 16, 1977, the worldwide media reported the death of rock n’ roll legend Elvis Presley, the supposed victim of a stopped heart caused by a drug overdose.

Of course, the story didn’t fool many people, and it’s now common knowledge that it was all just one huge hoax.

But what most of us have yet to realize is that the charade was not limited to Elvis’s death. In fact, that’s only the tip of the iceberg. Elvis’s death is nothing compared to the conspiracy of all conspiracies, the King of all Cons, a secret so shocking, so bizarre, so shockingly bizarre, that…. uh… Wait. What was I talking about? Oh yeah. Elvis.

Uh... like I was saying, there’s much more to the story than anyone knows—and I’m about to reveal it all, right here, right now, and unleash a flurry of hidden truths that will undoubtedly change the way we see the world, ourselves, and pretty much everything that, uh… Wait. I forgot what I was talking about again. Um… Was it crop circles? No. Uh… how about the Freemasons? No—I don’t think that was it, either. Uh… Oh yeah. Elvis.

So what’s the secret? Well, hold on to your hat now—because not only did Elvis Presley fake his death, he also faked his ENTIRE LIFE!

That’s right. How do I know? Well—think about it. We’ve all heard of people spotting Elvis after his death. But have you ever heard of so much as a single pre-death Elvis sighting? No!!! And why? Because he never lived in the first place. He faked his own life before he was even born, and created a music icon that is, without a shadow of a doubt, bigger than Jesus, The Beatles, and Weird Al Yankovic combined.

But it doesn’t stop there. Immediately before faking his death in 1977, Elvis approached a little known actor in California, temporarily switched bodies with him, and starred in a major motion picture that became the biggest hit of the entire decade, and caused a new style of music to explode in popularity. The actor was John Travolta. The movie was Saturday Night Fever. And the music was disco—a style developed by Elvis back in 1880 in Thomas Edison’s Menlo Park lab.

John Travolta Elvis Presley in Saturday Night Fever

How do I know? It’s all in Thomas Edison’s patents:

The combination, with the phonograph cylinder, shaft, and screw-surface, of a swinging nut or screw-surface, to connect or DISCOnnect the parts that keep the recording or phonet point in position rELelative to the groove of the cylinder, substantially as set forth.

The object of this inVention IS to record in permanent characters the human voice and other sounds, from which characters such sound may be reproduced and rendered audible again at a future time

And think about it. Elvis was known as “The King”—and Travolta’s character Tony Manero was a “Disco King.”

Coincidence? Are you kidding me? If you think that’s a coincidence, then I’d like to sell you the Brooklyn Bridge (—which, as we all know, doesn’t really exist). And if you think it’s also a coincidence that Travolta’s hit sitcom Welcome Back Kotter was set in Brooklyn, then you’re just nuts.

You know what?—I’m getting sick of all your crazy coincidence theories. You think that just about everything is a coincidence. And why? Because you’ve been brainwashed to think that way by a group of coincidence theory conspirators led by Elvis himself!

Back in the days, it was pretty easy to keep the masses ignorant and the truth hidden. But with the introduction of the printing press, the Illuminati-Ace Hardware-Totino’s Pizza Roll Alliance had to get creative. So in 1564, Elvis, head of the Knights Templar, came up with a way to discredit the truths circulating throughout the world, rather than hiding them the old fashioned way.

But how did he manage to pull off something like that? By convincing people that just about everything is a coincidence.

And to this day, billions of people dismiss the truth as mere conspiracy theory crackpot BS, even though it can be found all over the Internet and Public Access TV.

But there’s more. Much more. Unfortunately, I can’t tell you any of it. And why? Because Elvis and his thugs are at my door right now, about to break in and do God knows what to me.

Holy smokes! They just knocked the door open. They’re holding a syringe. Uh oh. It must contain Jupiterian mind control serum. Ow! They just injected me!

Um… You know what? Forget everything I just said. Elvis did in fact die in 1977, he didn’t fake his life, and there’s no such thing as a coincidence theory conspiracy.

The Truth About Tom Hanks - The Fifties - Tupac Shakur - The Bush Family