Dictionary & Thesaurus

alimony n. please don’t mention that word around me.

Synonyms: robbery

asshole n. the person you see in the mirror every morning

heretic n some dickhead who doesn’t believe in (choose one): Jesus, Allah, Yahweh, Vishnu, Buddha, Colonel Sanders

masturbate v to jack off

Idioms: abra your cadabra, activate your volcano, add three hundred and forty two strokes to your scorecard, ask for Longfellow’s opinion, be the best hands down, change directions 938 times, counteract your carrots, create a new puddle, create Shu and Tefnut, defragment your hard drive, detail your Honda, ding your dong, do unto yourself as you’d have others do unto you, do your part to reduce unemployment, E Pluribus your Unum, employ yourself during a recession, engage in a little hand to dick combat, evict your white tenants, expose your swimming team to the outside world, express four billion years of evolution, fidget with your digit, fill the Tigris river, force whitey out of his cave, force whitey to surrender, force your kids to move out, frank your furter, give Dick a hand, give Dick a helping hand, give Dick a rubdown, give little Ricky a hand, give your hand a bone, give your swimmers some air, give yourself a right handed compliment, give yourself the magic touch, go bust with a hard 23, go on Wee Wee’s white adventure, google yourself ‘til you yahoo, hand crank your piston, have your palm read by Dick, hit a solo home run, know thyself, launch your liquid, lighten your load, make a sticky exit, make friction your friend, make Mr. Wang vomit, make room for the next generation, massage Woody Woodpecker, max out your thermometer, mine for liquid diamonds, motion for Dick Pharaoh to let your semen go, name Dick your Chief Executive Jackofficer, pat your sajak, play chutes and ladders with Little Dickie, play one handed solitaire, play “Flight of the Bumble-Bee” on your trombone, play with your squirt gun, pop your cork, pound your quarter pounder, practice your front stroke, promote Mr. Bates to Master, prove Newton’s third law of motion, pump your hot butter dispenser, pump your own gas, put your starting five on Magic Johnson, reach out and touch yourself, read Moby Dick in Braille, reduce your risk of prostate cancer, remember your member, repeat yourself 938 times, rub four hundred million out, sand your wood, scrub your cucumber, send your kids to skydiving camp, send your stock up thirty points in one session, shake your white honey maker, shine your pole, shoot four hundred million over par out of your eighth hole, shoot whitey, signal for private Johnson to fire off a load, spit out your seeds, squeeze some sour cream out of your burrito, strengthen your wrists, strike white oil, stroke thoroughly before sleeping, summon the seven contractions, take a solo trip down under, take a two way street to white castle, tap your maple tree, temporarily change valves, test launch four hundred million ballistic missiles, tickle your kosher pickle, transmit Different Strokes through fiber optics, tug your Louisville slugger, use nature’s sleeping aid, use one through five to choke twenty one, use your best hand to make a straight flush, use your home entertainment system, use your manual transmission, verify Kinsey’s survey, violate Kant’s moral law, wave your white sticky flag, withdraw your funds without a teller, work the penal system

nonconformist n a conformist by another name

sorry “If I could, I’d do it again.”

wedding nanevent that temporarily places a woman where she thinks she permanently belongs: the center of the universe