You can’t trust what you know through your senses—because for all you know, everything your senses know might be wrong.
If I can visualize a dildo that doesn’t really exist, how do I know that the “real” dildo I can see and feel up my ass isn’t also imaginary? And even if it is real, how do I know that my ass itself isn’t imaginary?
As far as I’m concerned, there’s only one source of reliable knowledge—the use of pure reason. I can reason my way to proving that the dildo exists. After all, I have a receipt that says I bought it for $29.99. But can I prove that my ass exists? No.
If I simply trusted my senses, I’d think that both the dildo and my ass are real. But by using my reason, I’ve been able to determine that I have a real dildo up a possibly imaginary ass.(Which is such a possible shame considering how I have such a nice one. A nice ass, that is. My dildo, on the other hand, has seen much better days. At least, I think it has. But then again, maybe my senses are deceiving me.))
But the point is, we can’t know anything unless we use know it through reason.
And that’s how I know that I exist. The fact that I think proves it. Why? Because the thoughts must have a source. They can’t just come from nowhere. I mean, think about it. There you go. You just proved that you exist.
I might not have an ass, channel four might not be on channel four, and the Alamo might just be a figment of my imagination, but gosh darn it, I have thoughts and the ability to use reason.
And true knowledge can only be gained through the use of reason.
If you really want to know anything, it’s necessary to start from the fact that you exist, and then work your way from there. I started yesterday-and so far, I'm up to ten pieces of real knowledge: my cane exists, Jerry Lewis is freakin' hilarious, I love my baby back ribs, a straight flush beats four of a kind, losing $50,000 with four kings sucks, God hates England, making beds is a waste of time, my parents gave away my beloved childhood dog Pierre, Mulholland Drive doesn't make any sense, and soft tacos are very similar to burritos.
Wait a second. I just realized that my dildo receipt might also be imaginary.
The Apology of Socrates
David Hume: An Essay Concerning Concluisions...
Immanuel Kant: Critique of Pure Bull
Arthur Schopenhauer: The Glass is Half Full...
Nietzsche: The Anti Tzschurch & The Nietzschruth
Ludwig Wittgenstein: Eveything is Bull