I am dedicated to:
Finding out why there’s no channel one
Tracking down that asshole who cut me off on November 23, 2008, and telling him to go f--k himself
Becoming President of the Martha Stewart Fan Club
Learning how to pronounce the term “hors d’oeuvres”
Figuring out why Ctrl+Alt+Delete turns me on so much
Taking money out of people’s pockets, $15.01 at a time
Finding the Holy Grail and my Wrestlemania III DVD—in that order
Programming my Tivo to program my VCR
Disproving the Pythagorean Theorem