We the People of the United States, in Order to form a more perfect and less European Union, establish Justice, insure domestic Tranquility, provide for the common defence, promote the general Welfare, and secure the Blessings of Liberty to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.
Europe is a trash bin of a continent filled with pieces of garbage. That's why Jesus and the Founding Fathers took the Ark/Mayflower over to America and defeated the British.
Around here, we have principles, morals, and integrity. And a democracy. We vote for our Congress and President. And if you want to call the President a son of a bitch, you have the right to do that. And if the President is a liberal, you have a duty to do that.
Congress will have the power to create non-gay, non-pornographic, non-Muslim laws.
It shall tax the people a maximum of 15% and increase our money supply a maximum of 1% per year--and anyone who disagrees should be exiled to Europe immediately. As should anyone who watches soccer or uses the metric system.
Congress shall also decide what states to add to the Union. Texas would be an excellent choice. Washington wouldn't. (And don't even mention Puerto Rico.)
A President shall be elected by the people every four years. And by "people," I don't mean some brainwashed liberals at a communist university. If someone is under 22 or under, he shouldn't be allowed to vote. Unless he's going to vote for a Real American. Like Nixon.
You know what? Let's just forget about voting. We should just elect the candidate that college students and Hollywood liberals are against.
Or better yet, we should just vote for the candidate Matt Damon hates. And exile the one he supports. I'm tempted to say we should exile Damon, too--but we need him to know what to do.
In order to be President, a person must be a US born citizen (by the way--Kenya isn't part of the United States) with an actual long form birth certificate proving everything. A newspaper announcement isn't enough. In fact, if anyone presents something other than a birth certificate, he shall jailed and tortured until he admits he's from Kenya. And he's a Muslim. And a communist.
Presidents must also be at least 35 years old, and must have built 10,000 Buicks, mined 100 tons of coal, drilled 10,000 barrels of oil, and rounded up 1,000 communists.
And if a President installs solar panels on the White House or spends half of his time playing golf and vacationing at Martha's Vineyard, he shall be fired. And tortured.
The President will head the military, pardon the "offenses" of great Americans (like Nixon), make treaties (with Israel), and appoint people to high offices. And he will have the power to veto any laws that Congress passes. Like ones that create free health care. And if Congress passes a law like that in the first place, it shall be tortured. And exiled to Europe.
A President will have a limit of two four year terms. And his power should be limited and checked by the other branches of government.
Except in the case of Nixon. God wants Nixon to have absolute power. Forever.
The Supreme Court and Other Courts will interpret and apply our non-gay, non-pornographic, non-Muslim laws. Criminal Trials and high dollar Civil Trials will be decided by a Jury consisting of twelve people who watch Fox News.
This Constitution outlines the powers delegated to the United States.
If it’s not in here, it’s up to the States and the People.
Amen
Unlike Europeans, Americans have rights. Make that duties.
All Americans must own guns. (Except for Muslims.) And Bibles. (Especially Muslims. And atheists.)
And all Americans must vote. (Except for liberals.)