Don’t pick up a soda can with your left hand.
Don’t watch more than four episodes of Walker, Texas Ranger in one day.
Don’t wear brown shoes with purple socks.
Always wear purple shoes with brown socks.
Plant as many trees as possible in Israel.
Open as many Kosher Chinese food restaurants as possible in New York.
Don’t drink milk more than two days past its expiration date
Don’t mix chocolate syrup into chocolate milk.
Don’t let the Gentiles know too much about anything.
If you’re going to see a Mel Gibson movie, be sure to buy a ticket to another film in the Cineplex.
Build a “Rupert Murdoch” cyborg in the 20th century, and use him to secretly control the media.
Don’t follow false prophets. (You can test a prophet’s authenticity by holding him up to light and checking for a.Star of David.)
Don’t name your children after Bible characters.
Don’t wear a wristwatch on your left ankle.
Don’t run around the duck duck goose circle counterclockwise.
Don’t listen to Tupac while wearing a Biggie T-shirt.
Don’t weigh yourself more than twice a week.
Don’t refer to me as G-d.
Don’t add to my commandments (unless your name is Jesus).
All Bible themed video games must have something to do with Onan.
If you ever happen to rape a virgin, you’ll have to marry her and buy her mother a Mercedes.
Don’t flush your toilet for #1s on Earth Day.
Watch Star Trek II twice on Mars Day
Add our eleven secret herbs and spices to your chicken soup and gefilte fish dishes.
Feel free to skip past Numbers, I Chronicles 1-10, and II Vishnu 5-40.
Don’t pray to me for free cable.
Don’t call Dionne Warwick or her friends.
Bet on the Dodgers to win it all in 1963 and 2197.
Don’t buy stock in a company that rhymes with Penron.
Thou shalt stop using the King James Bible by 1902.