I was just studying history on Wikipedia, and it turns out that a guy named Columbus discovered America. I didn't know. I thought Columbus Day was just an excuse to have department store sales--as in, "It's Columbus Day. We're going to have a sale." But apparently, there's a whole story about how Columbus discovered America, even though he meant to go somewhere else.
I don't know about that one. It really doesn't make sense. He found it by accident. He was looking for something else entirely, and he happened to end up in America. Are we rewarding accidents now? That's crazy.
I mean, my friend once accidentally smoked PCP instead of marijuana. Should we give him a holiday, too? Did he discover PCP? No.
Or my neighbor up in 7G. He once won $100,000 playing a slot machine in Las Vegas. But that's pure luck. I know some people have a slot machine strategy--but my neighbor didn't even mean to go to Las Vegas. He accidentally landed in Las Vegas. He told me he was going to Niagara Falls to go rafting and fishing-- and I don't know how, but he landed in Vegas and ended up winning $100,000. Does he deserve a holiday, too?
We have to give holidays for the right reasons. Take Indiana Jones. He intended to find the Holy Grail, and he did. He should get a holiday. But I guess he lost the Holy Grail later--so maybe he should only get a Holihour or something.
My neighbor in 3C is looking for the Holy Grail. But he spends the entire time looking in his bathroom. He's convinced it's somewhere there. A month ago, I said to him, "Why would the Holy Grail be in your bathroom?" And he said, "No, man--I saw it there a long time ago. It's definitely somewhere in there." He spends two hours a day looking for it.
But again, I don't think Columbus deserves a holiday. In fact, I heard he did some really bad things. I think we should take a day away from Columbus. That seems more appropriate. How about November 3rd? Let's make that non-Columbus Day. On November 3rd, we should say, "This definitely isn't Columbus Day. The hell with Columbus."