I'm really into civil rights. And there's one issue that no one's really adressing. When a white person performs a rap song at a karaoke club, he should have the right to use the n-word. That's a civil right as far as I'm concerned.
Now, I'm not saying that white people should have the right to say that word in general, or that Eminem or Vanilla Ice should use it in their own songs. But when a white person performs a black person's rap song, the n-word shouldn't be off limits. I mean, come on now! The ban on white people using the n-word is fine all in all. But we (--and not "we" white people. "We" as a society--) have to draw the line somewhere. And that's exactly where we should draw it. Karaoke performances.
Have you ever seen a white person performing a rap song and filtering out the n-words? It's ridiculous. Especially when the song rhymes the n-word when something else. He gets up on stage and says, "Take a look at my pockets--yeah, they're growing bigger / With bills and cociane 'cause I'm a high living... / I went to the store at 4:44." That's ridiculous.
And black people love it. When they're watching that, they think, "Oh yeah. This guy has censor himself. He can't even say it when he's performing someone else's lyrics. We can say it all day." I mean, I'm pretty sure that's what black people are thinking. If someone wants to verify it, go ahead.
Do you think we don't know? We know! We know! You're not fooling anyone.
If you're a white person and you're doing a rap song at a karaoke club, you better say the n-word. I don't care if Bill Cosby is sitting five feet away from you, he knows you're considering it, and he has an expression on his face that says, "Don't do it, son. Don't do it." I don't care! The hell with Bill Cosby! You do it! A Karaoke club isn't the Cobsy Show. I don't care if it's the Cosby Karaoke Club. Don't filter out those n-words. Civil rights!
Some white people don't filter them out. And everyone's like, "Wow! He used the n-word." But honestly, I don't think that's enough. I mean, if you're serious about civil rights--like I am--that's ridiculous. That's like moving to the middle of the bus.
When I go up there, I take it to the next level. I need to make up for all the times white people haven't used the n-word. In fact, I don't even bother with the rest of the lyrics. I only say the n-word. It's basically just me saying the n-word 45 times over the course of a few minutes. It's like I'm filling in the blanks for all those white people who censored themselves.
And people can't really stop me. All of those n-words are on the screen. And I don't even look at the screen while I perform the song--so they know that I'm familiar with it. They're not going to think I'm some crazy racist. White supremacists don't know the lyrics to Biggie Smalls songs.
So they know I'm not a racist nutcase. I'm an activist. Well, they don't know that, but that's not my problem.
White people look uncomfortable during my n-word only versions of rap songs. You got to see it. Don't watch me during the song. Watch white people in the audience. They're loosening their collars, and they're trying to make it clear that they have nothing to do with me. "We don't know that guy, we don't want to have anything to do with him, we don't endorse what he's doing. That's his decision."
And black people just stare at me in amazement. Like I'm Jesus turning water into wine. They're thinking, "Is that even possible? We know that Kramer guy did it--but that was like three times. This guy's going for a new Guinness Record. Is this a karaoke club or a Klan meeting?"
And of course after the performance, a black guy comes up to me and says something like, "I don't know what you thought you were doing up there--but that is not appropriate. You can't go up onto a stage and use the n-word 45 times in front of black people. That's ridiculous."
That guy thinks he's the Martin Luther King of the situation. As in, "I'm going to take on this racism." He doesn't realize that I'm the Martin Luther King of the situation. I'm the one fighting for civil rights. I'm more or less doing a whole Montgomery Bus Boycott thing. So I have to let him know.
And he thinks he's the more confrontational one. I just went on stage and said the n-word 45 times in front of Bill Cosby! How can he possibly think he's the confrontational person! I'm the confrontational one.
So I say, "Listen bro! It's in the freaking lyrics! You can't get mad at me. Get mad at Biggie Smalls. And if you want to do a white song, go for it. You want to perform a Pat Boone Song? Be my guest, bro. What are you--a segregationist? Do you even celebrate Jackie Robinson Day?"
And the guy just continues with his whole Martin Luther King angle. "OK. Fine. Do whatever you want to do. I'm just telling you that it's inappropriate. But if you want to go ahead and use the n-word in front of a bunch of black people, that's your business."
So I have to continue. "Yeah--you're darn tootin' I'm going to keep doing it. And if you don't like it, let me just say this. ... Kiss my black ass."
So I told him to kiss my black ass. Yeah--I'm really crossing the line now. I should probably apologize to Al Sharpton. Ordinarily, I'm not a big fan of that whole apologize to Al Sharpton custom. But in this case, I think it's a good idea. So OK. Al--I'm sorry. From now on, I'm not going to say "kiss my black ass" more than three times over the span of ten minutes. And the next time I do a hip-hop karaoke song--even when I'm alone--I'll take out 10% of the n-words. How's that? Are we friends again? Are you still going to make me your executive producer?
By the way, Al--I'm Jewish. Does that help? You pretty much have to make me your executive producer. And your agent. And your lawyer. And I'll lend you some money, too. 20% interest.
Is there any truth to that? Is that what Jews do? I don't know. By the way, once again, I'm Jewish. So I'm allowed to analyze this. There's some truth to it--but not that much. People get carried away. Like white supremacists--they multiply it by 10,000. They take that grain of truth, and they just go crazy with it. There's some truth to it--not that much.
Some people there's a lot of truth to it. Yeah.