In some countries, it’s not enough for a cigarette pack to have a warning. They actually have to include a picture of someone who’s been harmed by cigarettes. Like a picture of someone with a hole in his throat. Or someone’s black, cancerous lung. They put that right on a cigarette pack. Along with a warning.
I think we should do that with other things, too. Like marriage licenses. Each one should have a picture of Fred and Ethel Mertz on it. “This might happen to you.” And they should also have a picture of a happily married couple. Like June and Ward Cleaver. As in, “This might also happen to you.” Present the big picture.
And they should do that with cigarettes. Next to the guy with a hole in throat, there should be a 93 year old Chinese guy smoking three cigarettes at once, and a quote: “I’ve been smoking four packs a day for the last 83 years, and my lungs are cleaner than a Whole Foods Market in San Francisco. ” That seems fair. That Chinese guy should have his own band of cigarettes. He’d become as popular as the Marlboro Man. That’s a good idea. Philip Morris should hire me.
Am I the only one who thinks cigarettes are a little too demonized? No--I'm not. There's that Chinese chain smoker. And former Senator and Presidential candidate Bob Dole. He once said, "We know smoking tobacco is not good for kids, but a lot of other things aren't good. Drinking's not good. Some would say milk's not good."
Did his campaign manager tell him to say that? Probably not. I don't even think the Chinese guy would've advised him to say that.
Most of society is more or less putting a gun to your head and forcing you to say bad things about cigarettes. But when it comes to a lot of other things, the world's a little more tolerant. There's no gun to your head. There's no knife to your throat. They won't even threaten you with paper cuts.