Rodney Ohebsion


I think car commercials would be more persuasive if they showed their car stuck in stuck in traffic. "You want to know how fun the all new Ford Focus is? Just look at what a great time Khawaja is having sitting in bumper-to-bumper traffic. Only a Ford Focus can enhance your experience of a smog-filled rush hour in Karachi, Pakistan. Look at him. Traffic just cleared up--and he's pissed off about it, and yelling in Pakistani. And now he's making a completely unnecessary u-turn into traffic."

I believe in driver's etiquette. I signal. And I don't just jump right into a signal, like some damn animal. I pre-signal first, by taking out a megaphone and announcing, "Get ready--'cause I'm about to signal. Are you ready? Are you ready? OK. Here we go. Here's your signal. Bon apetit." And then after I turn, I post-signal for ten and a half minutes. "I just turned, everyone. I turned from Oak Street to Main Street. And while I've got my megaphone out, I'm gonna go ahead and explain to you why Obama is a comunist who must be impeached." And that's when other courteous drivers follow up my post-signal by signaling to me with their middle fingers. And then I complete our automotive etiquettal procedure by giving them a courtesy five second honk and yelling, "Get out of my country, you damn Democrat!"