Rodney Ohebsion

Who Uses Bing?

According to Alexa Web Rankings, Bing is the tenth most popular website in the world. How is that possible? Who the hell uses Bing? I become like Jerry Seinfeld when it comes to this. "Who are these people?" Seriously. Who are they? Most people have never even heard of it. If someone asks you about daycare centers, you can tell him, "Just Google it." But don't say, "Just Bing it." Otherwise he'll think, "I don't know what that means--but it sounds like it involves molesting children." And then a month later, you'll be sitting in a courtroom, and a judge will slam his gavel and tell you, "The jury finds you guilty of first degree binging. That counts as three felonies. Our state has a 'one bing and you're out' policy, you sick bastard. We don't actually know what binging is--but we know that we don't want some binger like you hanging around Chuck E. Cheese's."

Bing. The Preferred Site of Pedophiles. Microsoft will probably sue me for that. Bill Gates's lawyer is going to call me soon. Don't worry, Bill. You won't lose any business. No one uses Bing. If Bing has good web ratings, it's because aliense use it. It's just aliens. And aliens don't care about pedophilia. They're all pedophiles. In alien culture, pedophilia is completely acceptable. We have to do something about that. We have to march on down there and put them in prison. We can do it. After all, we put a man on the moon. We need to go down to alienland and put everyone in jail for pedophilia.