1973 San Salvador Bus Schedule
The back of a 1993 Honeycomb Cereal Box
The front of a 1994 Hawaiian Punch Box
LAX Airport Men’s Room Wall
1983 Taco Bell Menu
34 feet of 1890s US stock ticker tape
1/1/94 “An Evening with Barbra Streisand” Concert Ticket
A piece of toilet paper with the letter “P” written on it
1981 Donruss Rusty Kuntz Rookie Card (Mint Condition)
Ernest Goes to Guadalajara movie ticket
A coupon for 80 cents off a Trump Tower condominium
The Hidden Messages Contained in My Psychiatrist’s Left Nostril
Angelina Jolie’s upper left back tattoo
73 miles of “Do Not Cross” Tape
427 blank fortune cookie fortunes
Burger King Kids Club membership card
1987 Chuck E. Cheese’s Arcade Token
A 1940s radio ad for Rinzo
A corn flake shaped like Jesus’s forearm
1991 Publisher’s Clearing House Sweepstakes Mailing
Jockey XL Underwear Tag
Charlie Sheen’s Little Black Book Vols. 1-9,709,527
An Invitation to Justin Timberlake’s 8th Birthday Party
Billy Ray Cyrus’s “Achy Breaky Heart” (played backwards)
My cousin Tommy
My cousin Tommy’s cousin Tommy
My cousin Tommy’s cousin Tommy’s cousin Tommy—who also happens to be my original cousin Tommy
My other cousin Tommy
My other cousin Tommy’s cousin Tommy (who, believe it or not, is my original cousin Tommy’s cousin Tommy’s cousin Tommy twice removed)