The Library: Revised and Condensed
Top Songs
2000-2009
“I Belong in a Mansion, You Belong in a Nuthouse” Mariah Carey
“Independent Gold Digger” Fate’s Offspring
“Hey Ya Hey Ya Hey Ya Ho” Native Outkast
“In My Pockets” Two Dimes, Four Nickels, Ten Pennies, and a Condom
“My Life Would Suck Without You” Kelly Clarkson
“My Life Sucks With You” Rihanna
1990-1999
“I'll Make Love To You” Boyz II Men
“You’ll Make Love To Me” Donald Trump
“I Will Always Love Your Money” Mrs. Donald Trump
“This Is How We Doo-Doo” Poo-Poo
“My Fart Will Go On” Anonymous
“Smells Like Teen Spirit” Nirvana
“Smells Like Bad Mushrooms” Buddha
1980-1989
“Never Gonna Give You Up” Rick Astley
“Ready To Trade You In” Donald Trump
“Don’t Wake Me Up—Just Go Go” No Ma’am
“Pay Us For Every Breath You Take” Uncle Sam
“Why I Stopped Screwing Roses” Poison
“I Need You From 9:30 To 10:15 Tonight” In Moderation
“All My Friends Are Whores” Porsche Mercedes Clearheels
1970-1979
“Disco Will Never Die” BCDEFGs
“R.I.P. Disco” BCDEFGs
“Disco Can Suck My Bs” BCDEFGs
“Love Will Keep Us Together” Captain & Tennille
“O Captain, My Captain—I Want a Divorce” Tennile
“The Way We Were” Barbra Streisand
“We Were Way Too Stoned” George Clinton
“The Long And Winding Road” The Beatles
“Screw You And Your Road” Richard Nixon
1960-1969
“Sugar, Sugar” Archies
“Diabetes” Jugheads
“Roses Are $309 A Dozen” Robby Valentine
“Tossin’ And Turnin’” Bobby Lewis
“Tossin’ Salads And Earnin’” Cell Mate 2345645
“Servin’ Two to Eight” Long Beach Boys
1950-1959
“All Shook Up” Elvis Presley
“Shaken—Not Stirred” James Bond
“Great Balls of Fire” Jerry Lee Lewis
“Large Steamy Nuts” Jerry Lewis Lee
“Only You… And Rita Hayworth” The Platters
“Married… With Children Theme” Frank Sinatra
“Unforgettable” I Forgot
1940-1949
“You’re Breaking My Heart” Vic Damone
“Can I At Least Have Some Break Up Sex?” Vic Dabone
“White Christmas” Bing Crosby
“Green Christmas” Jewish Toy Merchants Association
“In the Mood” Glen Miller
“In the Mooooood” Glen Miller’s Cow
1930-1939
“Just A Gigolo” Ted Lewis
“More Than A Gigolo” Al Jolson
“You Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby” Bing Crosby
“It’s Not My Baby!” Bill Cosby
“The Way You Look Tonight” Fred Astaire
“If You Look At Another Woman Tonight, I’m Calling a Divorce Lawyer Tomorrow” Pist Offwife
1920-1929
“When You’re Smiling—You Make Me Want to Vomit” Louis Armstrong
“New Jersey There I Go” Al Jolson
“California Here I Come” Al Jolson
“I Ain’t Got Nobody” Marion Harris
“I’d Rather Have Nobody Than You” More Miserables
“Carolina in the Morning” Van & Schenck
“Louisiana in the Evening” Scared Shitless
1800-1919
“Stars and Stripes Forever” Sousa
“Stars—Hold the Stripes” Southsa
“Fuck The South” The North
“Fuck The North” The South
“Happy Birthday To You—You Spoiled Little Brat” ?
“Ordinary Grace” ?
“Oh! Susanna” Stephen Foster
“Oh Shit!—Susanna’s Home. Hide In The Closet Or She’ll Kill Us Both!” Anonymous
0-1799
“Duh, Dun-Duh, Dun-Duh-Dun-Duh-Duh-Duuh” Mozart
“Dun-Dun-Dun-Duuuuuh, Dun-Dun-Dun-Duuuuuh” Beethoven
“Scary Organ Music” Bach
“Go Down Moses” Jesus
10,000 BC-1 BC
1,000,000 BC-10,000 BC
“Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby, Baby” Baby
“I Got Money, Hoes, Ice, Clothes, Fame, Game, Cars, Planes” Tony Bennett -200th
15,000,000,000 BC-1,000,001 BC
“Big Bang Blues” God
-infinity-15,000,000,001 BC
“There Ain’t Shit” Nobody
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