I'm not Muslim. But a cerain part of me is hoping God is Muslim. Because it would create an amazing scene in the afterlife between God and Glenn Beck. Even if God isn't Muslim, he should just pretend he is when Glenn Beck drops by. After he dies of whatever he's going to die of. He's probably going to be lynched by a crowd while walking outside of the Comedy Central studio right after the Daily Show tapes. "Oh! It's him! Get him!" The Comedy Central studio is to Glenn Beck what Compton is to Mark Fuhrman. If Glenn drives within a five mile radius of that place, his navigation system should sound an alarm and have him drive to the nearest gun club.
But if he does get lynched outside of Comedy Central, he'll make his way outside of God's courtroom, or whatever they have up there. And then he'll see a Middle Eastern guy. "What's your name?" "Glenn Beck." "Oh--yes. Yes. He's been looking forward to this." "Who's been looking forward to this?" "Him." "Him who?" "Just go inside!"
So he'll walk in, and he'll be looking for some sort of Mormon decorations. Or at least a Christmas tree or an Easter bunny. Or at the bare minimum, a Mennorah or a Jewish star. And he won't see any of those things. And then he'll hear a voice: "Glenn." "Uh... yes?" "Do you know who I am?" "Uh... Jesus?" "Guess again." "Uh... Jehova?" "No." "Buddha?" "You're getting colder. I'm Allah." "Oh... Uh... A salam alaeikem?"
"Glenn I've been watching your show." "Oh. So you're a fan?" "Not really. No." "Oh." "I want to know more about the Muslim friends you're always talking about. Name a few of them." "OK. There's... Muhammed. I'm good friends with him. I had him over for dinner last night. My wife made a pork-free meal." "Muhammed? Which Muhammad?" "The one with the beard."
"Let me ask you a question. Do you think I'm a terrorist?" "No. No. I never ever said that. No, no, no, no. I never said that. I'm against Muslim extremists." "But I am an extremist. ... I'm Allah." "Oh. Uh... Well listen. It's the media. The mainstream media turned me against Muslims. It programmed me." "Glenn. You're part of the mainstream media. You're the one who turned people against Muslims." "Oh yeah. That's right. ... Did I metion I have a lot of Muslim friends?"