Barack Hussein Obama, Jr. (a.k.a. Barry Soetoro, a.k.a. Chuck Shabbaz III, a.k.a. Tommy Salvatore, a.k.a. Ibrahim ibn-Hakim, a.k.a. Vladimir ameriCommunist, a.k.a. Malcolm Xecute Whitey) was born on the borders of Kenya, Saudi Arabia, North Korea, and Finland on August 4, 1961. Of course, that hasn't stopped him from telling us that he was born in "Honolulu"--even though tens of millions of Kenyans saw and videotaped his birth.
Obama's a lying son of a bitch--just like all other liberals. He's also claiming to be a Christian, even though he's an atheist (--like his mother and her parents--) and a Muslim (--like his father and stepfather).
And he hates America. Barack Hussein Obama hates America. But the media has looked past that due to his use of the race card. And due to the fact that the media is dominated by liberals. All of whom also hate America. Just like Muslims.
Anyways, Obama spent his early years learning about jihads and communism in Kenya. And the Soviet Union. In fact, his Godfather Frank Marshall Davis was the secret head of the Soviets (and Cubans) back then.
While in Kenya, Obama became convinced he was the next Prophet of Islam, and he built a Mosque right next to the American embassy and over an Indian burial ground. He also declared Kenya a part of Greater Mecca, and vowed to add the United States to its territory.
He then moved to Indonesia and smoked marijuana in a cave with bin Laden and Saddam Hussein. A few years later, he was back in Kenya. Smoking marijuana. As a member of the Kenyan army.
Oh--and he also spent time in Northern Europe. Smoking more marijuana. And leading an atheist terrorist group. And he vowed to turn the United States into West Northern Europe.
He then moved to Los Angeles as a Kenyan spy. And a Muslim spy. And a Finnish spy. And the antichrist. And while in Los Angeles, he became a black nationalist. He also began telling people he was a Christian. And he co-founded the Trinity United Church of Christ with Reverend Jeremiah "God Damn America" Wright, and disguised his black nationalist anti-American views as Christianity. And of course, he made up the city of Honolulu and claimed he had lived and been born there.
Obama later spent time in New York, Chicago, Cambridge, and Chicago again, and became the head of an organized crime group that smuggled in pornography, suicide bombs, and cocaine. And he married Michelle in order to sell his Christian family man image. Even though he's actually a bisexual with dozens of lovers--one of whom he killed.
As a Chicago crime boss, Obama became a local community activist and politician in order to advance his operation. And he became an Illinois Senator by threatening to kill millions of Illinoisans.
While "serving" in the Senate. Obama spent the entire time campaigning to become President.
And in 2008, after making Americans obsessed with random celebrities, liberals turned Obama into some sort of reality TV celebrity who's famous just for existing--and they got him elected by turning the Presidential Election into something like American Idol.
Since then, he's been throwing $200 million parties, printing hundred dollar bills, smoking marijuana, hanging out with Oprah Winfrey, vacationing at Martha's Vineyard, fighting a jihad, and campaigning for the 2012 election.
In 2009, he was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize--putting him in the company of such terrorists as Le Duc Tho, Anwar Sadat, and Yasser Arafat. And just like those pieces of garbage, Obama got a tattoo on his buttocks that says "Death to America!"
Obama wants to destroy America, Christianity, Judaism, capitalism, whites, blacks, bald eagles, FOX News, and heterosexual marriage. He wants to force people to smoke marijuana and watch soccer. He wants to tax sunlight and water. And he wants to spend all of our money on his trillionaire lifestyle.
I don't oppose all wars. What I am opposed to is a dumb war. What I am opposed to is a rash war.
I don't take a dime of their [lobbyist] money, and when I am president, they won't find a job in my White House.
Issues are never simple. One thing I'm proud of is that very rarely will you hear me simplify the issues.
Let me even say before I even get inaugurated, during the transition we are going to be having meetings all across the country with community organizations so that you have input into the agenda for the next presidency of the United States of America.
My job is not to represent Washington to you, but to represent you to Washington. My task over the last two years hasn't just been to stop the bleeding. My task has also been to try to figure out how do we address some of the structural problems in the economy that have prevented more Googles from being created.
I think when you spread the wealth around [and destroy capitalism] it's good for everybody.
I know my country has not perfected itself. At times, we've struggled to keep the promise of liberty and equality for all of our people. We've made our share of mistakes, and there are times when our actions around the world have not lived up to our best intentions.
My administration is the only thing between you [CEOs] and the pitchforks.
But I have to say tonight's venue isn't really what I'm used to. I was originally told we'd be able to move this outdoors to Yankee Stadium, and can somebody tell me what happened to the Greek columns that I requested?
I do love the Waldorf-Astoria, though. You know, I hear that from the doorstep you can see all the way to the Russian tea room.
I mean, you know, as somebody who used to be on the cover of Time and Newsweek, you know. Those were the days.
I would have to investigate more of Bill's dancing abilities, you know, and some of this other stuff before I accurately judge whether he was in fact a brother.