Al Franken for President

Capitalism is Responsible for All of the World's Problems

I just spent an unpleasant hour shopping at Oh brother, first of all why don't you do yourself a favor take that KKK outfit I'm sure you're wearing right now and use it to make a straitjacket because you could definitely use one of those. Maybe even two and because in case you haven't noticed you are out of your fucking mind. I mean just talking trash on YouTube. Who does that? have to be a complete fucking lunatic to do something like that. You fucking prick and how can you criticize Barack Obama, Barack Obama we are talking about a guy who prevented the Great Depression of 2010, the Great Depression of 2009, and even the Great Depression of 2008 I mean I know he wasn't in office yet but come on he is Barack Obama you know hope and change. So three great depressions and he won the Nobel Peace Prize so he prevented World War 3 probably even World War 4. 2 World Wars 3 Great Depressions and you are criticizing the guy. what would compel you to do something that? I think I know you are fucking racist that just goes without saying you' re basically you're the worst kind of racist. You're the type of racist who ignores race you don't even focus on race that is Oh God I'm surprised YouTube hasn't removed your video yet it's just ridiculous and come on now you can't blame Barack Obama for the country's problems for any of them, it's ridiculous you know. You can't change what the Republicans have done that's unchangeable. We didn't bring Barack Obama in to change things. We brought him in so he could tell us how much Republicans are fucking up the country and that's exactly what he's done. So why don't you just take your fucking Obama Diss and get the fuck out of here!

You Should Be Paying More Taxes

You're a selfish asshole. What the fuck, man? Are you seriously content with paying the government's minimum tax rates? You son of a bitch! If the government wants you to pay 30% of your income, it doesn't mean you shouldn't pay more. You're morally obligated to pay more--just like you're morally obligated to tip your waiter 30%. (And while you're at it, tip my waiter 30%, too. After all, you're tipping him or her with money you probably stole form me.)

If I made as much money as you do, I'd be paying 99% of my income in taxes. Make that 100%. Why? Because I'm not just looking after my own financial interests. I care about what's fair--not what'll keep me out of jail.

But not you. Oh no. You only care about how fat your wallet is. You're basically stealing from people like me. You're a thief. If it weren't for your reverse Robin Hood tax "paying" bullshit, my unemployment checks would cover more than just rent, food, utilities, and marijuana.

And don't you even think about taking tax deductions.

Tom Brady is Better Than Peyton Manning

There's no comparison, bro. Tom Brady is better than Peyton Manning.

Hollywood's Not Liberal Enough

Take a look at this week's list of / top 10 highest grossing movies.

Redskins and Chiefs?

The Washington Redskins and the Kansas City Chiefs? Are you fucking kidding me? That's the most offensiv shit I've ever come across in my life. (It's actually in a 152,765 way tie with all of the other most offensive things I've ever come across in my life. 45,709 of which have something to do with Glenn Beck. Fuck Glenn Beck.)

And to be honest, I also have a problem with the 30 other NFL team names. Like the Jets. What the fuck is that supposed to mean? __

The Qur'an vs. the Bible

The Bible is

1. (Unless it looks like it might be hiding Mexicans that illegally crossed the border--and if that's the case contain a bunch of Mexicans being

A few years ago, when I first saw a notice on YouTube

He's trying to convince the public that people who illegally duplicate and distribute copyrighted material are doing something illegal.

looks up public whoisis/corporate data and sends the site owners and executives every form of spam known toman, it generates a forum that trashes the shit out of the offending site, and it even finds

10 Interesting Facts About Liberalism

It's saving the world from people like Newt Gingrich and Sarah Palin. That's a fact, bro.

Glenn Beck is a piece of shit. That's not a fact about liberalism per se, but __

It's rational. Everything else is insanity.

Glenn Beck in insane.

Are You a Real Liberal?

If you disagree with me, the answer is no.

How Piracy Makes the World a Better Place

I'm offended that ___ It's not piracy.

How Legalizing Marijuana Helped Holland

Holland is a paradise. I've never actually been there, and I don't know anything about it--but the fact that arijuana is legal there says everything I need to know.

10 Reasons Why Should You Start Being More Open Minded

1. You disagree with me.

If you disagree with me, you're closed-minded.

2. You don;t agree with me.

If you don't agree with me, you're close-minded.

10 Great Jokes About Conservatives

You don't even need any fucking jokes. The entire conservative movement is a joke. Just look at ten random conservatives. There you go. Or just look at one conservative for ten seconds. Actually, make that one second.

Muslim Christian and Jewish Terrorists

There's no such thing as a Muslim terrorist. A so-called terrorist act by a Muslim is actually an ethical response to Christian/Jewish teorrorism. You don't need new examples to prove that Republicans are insane.

We Should Change the Constitution

Just get a bunch of Northern Europeans

The Police Have No Right to...

The police have no right to do anything. Any time a police officer does something--from shining a badge to picking up a donut--we should protest.

Police Officers Should Be Followed Around By Cameras at All Times

And yes, I mean at all times. Even when they're off-duty. And all of the videos should be posted on the internet. And on Fox News. And every other channel.

Instead of all of that emergency broadcast bullshit, we should show police officers abusing their authority.

Anything a police officer does only cofirms what Milgram's experiments proved.

Do You Actually Think You're Right and I'm Wrong?

You can't be serious! You think you're right?! You think you're right?! I've heard of some ridiculous shit, but this is just too much. How the hell ___? How deluded can a human being be?

The other day, some lunatic brought up something about -_ laws __--ad ftr I told him how wrong he was, he didn't simply agree with me and __!

Granted, I don't know anything abour 13th century __ -- but that doesn't change anything. I'm a liberal hero. Even if I don't know anything about something, I know eveything about it.

Thinking you're right and I'm wrong is like __ , Bush wasn't behind 9/11, or Arrested Development isn't __?

What's that? You're not into Arrested Development?

__, motherfucker. I just sent Shady Acres after your ass. There's a straight jacket waiting for you.

If You're Going to Be a Theist, Be a Muslim

The Liberal Pledge of Allegiance

I Pledge allegiance to

Scientology Should Be Illegal

The Pope

I normally dont believe in the Devil--but ebery time I see the Pope, I make an exception. The Pope is the Devil himself--and

Four Questions -Passover

Sarah Palin Smokes a Cigarette

Wikipedia - American Capilaism

The Constitution is Unconstitutional

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. That's what the Constitution is rooted in. Supposedly. But then it proceeds to violate all of that shit with a bunch of horseshit laws.

James Cameron Should Be /Belongs in Prison

James Caeron is best know for the films Titianic and Avatar. Titanic and Avatar are

Public Schools Should Give Students Marijuana

After all, I have a friend who wmoked a ton of marijuana in fourth grade, and now he's Person of the Year Matt Damon Facebook Aristotle

Dr. Seuss was a Capitalist Piece of Shit

I Love British Comedy

99.9% of American TV is garbage. That's why I watch British shows most of the time. Like Monty Python's Flying Circus. What's that? You've never seen Monty Python's Flying Circus? Are you fucking kidding me? It's the greatest shwo in TV history. Just watch this:

Now that's what I call

British comedy is fucking amazing. Primarily due to the fact that Americans hardly ever watch it.

If You're Not a Socialist...

There's only one reason why someone would

Al Gore deserves more fame and respect. We're talking about a guy who is trying to save the wsorld. He's trying to save the world.

As are all other liberals. Liberals spend their days and night protecting the world from a bunch of completing insane and/or immoral (I'm leaning towards and) pieces of shit that call themselves conservatives. If it weren;t for people like AL Gore complainign and educating the masses, the world would fall apart in seconds.

Your Video Will Start in 15 Seconds

No it won't--because I'm not going to watch it. If you have the audacity to show a fucking commercial on the internet, you just lost me as a viewer. I was ready to watch your video--but now that's not going to happen. Are you happy now, motherfucker? Are you? I was ready to make your company happy by watching your video ad-free, but now

You fuckers have some nerve. Showing a commerical before a freaking video. This is the iternet--not an oppostunity for you to hold content hostage. You're like some fucking terrorist.

Eveyrthing here should be free and ad-free. Why? Becuse it's the fucking internet.

I'm not watching some horseshit show on a Viacom network. I'm watching it on the itnernet. Viacom doesn't own the internet. It doesn't pay my ISP. It doesn't even pay for my marijuana.

Showing commercials before videos is like trying to charge people for air. As is charging people for anything. Especially marijuana.

25% of Republicans Don't Know They Exist

Republicans are the most igonrant motherfuckers in human history, and the fact that they keep on electing assholes like Bush and Reagan shouldn't surprise us at all. After all, a recent poll of ___ shows that 25% of them don't even know they exist. And anyone else who has ever "done anything wrong" We're talking about a terorist organization ___. Even Obama

The Guy I Came Across Yesterday Sums Up What Theists Are Like

I came across some piece of shit yesterday who sums up what theists are like. He was a perfect example of theist bullshit. A perfect example. His name is __, and he's a member of the Westboro Baptist Church. Whenever he __ , __ typical

Obesity is a Choice

People are fat because they

Homosexuality Isn't a Choice

Marriage Should Be Illegal

"Allegedly?" Not When Conservatives Are Involved

Mr. So-and-So Conservative allegedly molested a dog? I don't think so, motherfuckers. There's no "alleged" about it. It's a fact. He's guilty. As are all other conservatives.

If you're a conservative, you're guilty. And I resent an implication that you might not be.

The media should stop trying to let conservatives spread their "I'm Not Guilty" lies.

We all have the right to a fair and speedy trial. And when a conservative is the defendant, "fair" means an instant conviction.

It's innocent until proven guilty. Being a conservative is proof that you're guilty.

But not according to FOX News. Those propagandist motherfuckers are trying to convince us that News Gingrich might not be guilty of ___. Were conservaives right when they Martin Luther King Was an Atheist

Cenk Uygur is Right About Everything

Cenk Uygur Knows Everything

Cenk Uygur knows everything. Just watch his show. He knows everything. He either knows everything, or he thinks he knows everything. It's one of the two.

A Biography of Sumner Redstone

First of all, his name isn't Sumner Redstone. It's Murray Rothstein. And it's not actually Murray Rothstein. It's Zionist Brainwasherberger.

FOX News

I just spent a few hours watching Fair and Balanced programming (MSNBC, The Young Turks, etc.)--and believe it or not, I only came across 15 mentions of FOX News. What the fuck, man? It's almost like we're tolerating FOX News's bullshit. Are we going to let those fuckers get away with what they're doing?

If we're not going to take those motherfuckers off the air, let's at least

They're calling themselves fair and balanced. Fair and balanced! They're not fair and balanced. And we should be pointing that shit out. Over and over again. Day in and day out. FOX News is not fair and balanced. That should be on our currency--right where "In God We Trust" used to be. In Fox "News" We Distrust. [Image]

Hating Christianity Isn't the Same as Hating Christians

Don't you dare assume that someone who's anti-Christianity also has something against Christians. Plenty of people hate the religion but not its followers. And all of those people are pieces of shit.

Real atheists hate Christianity AND Christians. Phony atheists just hate Christianity. I hate those motherfuckers almost as much as I hate Christians themselves.

There's no excuse for being a Christian. Christianity is a declaration of war on non-Christians. And science. If we don't hate Christians for corrupting the world, Nature will hate us.

I'm Such a Good Person

Fuck 95% of Democrats

The Democratic Party is horsehit. It's fucking horseshit. When a real left winger votes for a Democratic candidate, he's usually just settling for that person. Why? Because 19 out of 20 times, a Democrat is a mere moderate. Or worse.

But the Conservative media has convinced us that the left is being represented by Democrats. If someone's not a Christian or Jewish fundamentalist who __, they brannd him a Marxist or

In most case, we're forced to choose between a right wing Democrat and an insanely right wing Republican.

Democrats aren't left wing. They're moderate conservatives. And by moderate conservatives, I mean moderate terrorists.

I Don't Care About Money

Conservatives are the most pathetic and superficial people in the world. They're fucking consumed with money. They really don't care about much else than their wallets and bank balances. It's truly unbelievable.

Liberals, on the other hand, actively try to give away their money. They don't give a fuck about wealth and material things. Just look at liberal hero Al Gore. Even though he's a millionaire, his mansion doesn't have a diamond-plated toaster or an indoor minature golf course.

You Buy Things Offline?

GNC? Really? You buy supplements at GMC? You do realize this isn't 1992

You Better Back That Up With a Source

If you state anything or advance some sort of theory around me, you better back that shit up with a scientific study. If you don't, you're a terrorist who wants to kill people by killing science.

Everything should be under the jurisidction of peer-reviewed studies. Everything is provable or disprovable with science--and science has covered it all.

There's a Study That Backs Up My Theory

__ And you have no right to claim otherwise. After all, there's a astuf that backs up my theory.

What's that? There's a study that doesn't support my theory? I know, motherfucker. But that study isn't valid. The only studies that are valid are the ones that agree with my theories. If you accept studies that disagree with my __, you're trying to kill science.

Science is More Important Than Anything Else

It's all about science.

If it Weren't for My Complaining...

My compalining is ___ Without it, the world would fucking fall apart.

Everything in the Bible is complete nonses--but I'll tell you what: the Apocolypse is a pretty goosd description of a world without my compaling.

My Complaining Keeps the World Together

Look around , and you'll see a lot of ___ Half of it is thanks to my complaining.

Michael Moore Should Be Criticizing Shit Non-Stop

What the fuck is wrong with Michael Moore? He exposed conservative Americans for the complete peieces of shit that they are, and then he didn't follow up with a thousand more documentaries telling us how Bush is a terrorist, captialism is ruining the world, cigarettes should be illegal, marijuana use should be mandatory, and conservatives destroyed the economy.

That motherfucker should be complaining about conservatives non stop. There's an endless amount of material

Get Your Fucking Ads Off of My DVD!

Movie studios are practically begging us to copy their shit "illegally." I mean, if you're going to charge ten ror twenty dollars for a movie and then show a ton of ads before it, all bets are off, bro. I have the right to "pirate" that shit as a means of protest. Just like how Martin Luther King protested some other unfair shit. "Piraters" are actually activists who are __ in the right direction. "We shall overcome someday."

And even if a DVD is ad-free, it's still guilty. Why? Because it's a waste of resources. The disc is unecessary.

And even if companies are selling digital downloads online, they've still crossed the line. I'm not going to pay $9.99 for a fucking download. That's insane. If I'm going to spend that much money, you better give me a DVD or some shit.

And if you want to show commercials instead of charging for downloads, you still crossed the line. You can't force me to watch ads. I mean, what is this--George Orwell's 1984? What the fuck, man?

I don't care how you motherfuckers sell or distribute your content. It really doesn't matter. You're not actually selling or distributing something. Your holding it hostage.

Sumner Redstone--fuck you.

I Refuse to Acknowledge the Existence of Copyrights

Copyrights? There's no such thing. I don't care what anyone says. Copyrights don't exist. And anyone who says otherwise is a terrorist. Just like the United States government. And Israel. Which, by the way, also doesn't exist.

I'm Pissed That Al Gore is White

I love Al Gore and all--but his whiteness is really pissing me off. I mean, whenever someone criticizes him, I get the urge to call that person racist.

Unfortunatley, Gore is white, so I can;t call all of those people could';t call the guy racist (even though he definitely is a racist. All conservatives want to kill all black people--__) but I did __

The other day, some FOX News viewing piece of shit conservative--probably fresh off a __-- had the audacity to call Al Gore (peace be upon him) a typical liberal hypocrite.

merely because he flies on a private jet

Al Gore is not a hypocrtie--and anyone who says he is

Donating One Bible Cancels Out $100 Million of Charity

Christian charity? I don't think so, bro. Giving a Bible and food to someone is like killing him and putting a dollar in his pocket. I don't care how much Christian charitites are providing in the way of food, clothing, shtler, etc. If they're promoting Christianity, they're nothing but a bunch of terrorists. One Bible distributed is worth negative $100 million dollars.

The Majority of Scientists are Always Right

How the fuck can someone not accept the opinions of scientitsts? I mean, we're talking about science. Science! If the scientific majority is telling us something is or isn't the case, we shouldn't so much as entertian the possibility they're not 100% right. Refusing to take a definite stance is like saying all science is bullshit. And doing that is more or less like killing people. Which is why I regard all science doubters as the world's real terrorists.

But to make matter worse, not agreeing with scientists is like telling me that I'm wrong! Which goes beyond terrorism.

That shit is truly

All real liberals

I'm Going to Move to Europe

America is the worst country in all of human history. Europe is a paradise. It's perfect. The people, the culture, the values, the economy, the health care system, the environment--everything. It's leaps and bounds better than the US.

I'm going to move there. Any day now. I'm going to England. Any day now. I've already got one foot out the door.

I can't fucking wait till I'm out of here. It's going to be awesome. It's going to be amazing. Fuck the US. It's garbage. I can't stand it. That's why I'm moving.

I'm not actualy moving, though. Why? Because I have a lot more complaining to do.

And don;t give me that love it or leave it bullshit. That doesn't make any sense. Why would I leave it when I can reform it. I love Europe and I hate America. That's why I'm staying here.

Rush Limbaugh Will Say Anything For Attention

Rush Limbaugh is truly unbelievable. He's completely shameless. Completely! If he thinks it'll help his ratings, he'll argue that the sun revolves around the earth. He'll do anything for money. Anything. The guy is a fucking joke. I wouldn't even call him an entertainer. He's an entertainer the same way Bush entertained people by destroying the world. That doesn't make him an entertainer--that makes him a terrorist.

Rush Limbaugh is just looking to get ratings by any means necessary. "Look at me! I'm a conservative piece of garbage! I'm going to say some ridiculous shit in hopes of maintaining my fame. I might end up corrupting the world--but who gives a shit?"

Glenn Beck, Ann Coulter, Sean Hannity--they're all like him.

Liberal pundits and public figures would never even consider doing smething like that. They don't care about money, they don't care about fame--they care about the world.

Michael Moore isn't a phony. He isn't after money. He wants to help the world. He cares about everyone's well being. He wants to destroy capitalism in order to benefit mankind. Which expains why he's busy accumulating a fortune.

Obama is More Than a President

George Washington was a President.

We Shouldn't Be Scared of Islamic Fundamentalists. We Should Be Scared of Glenn Beck.

Islamic fundamentalists aren't threats. Glenn Beck is a threat.

If it Happens in Vegas, it Shoudl Happen Everywhere Else in the Country

Land of the free. Remember that shit? Remember it? Huh, you fascist motherfuckers! (except for the Smoking)

We Should Pay Willie Nelson to Stop Performing Country Music

I love Willie Nelson--but not because of his country music. I hate that shit. And being that he's ___, we should

Fuck the MPAA

Why is the US Sending Aid to Israel?

There can only be one reason: the US is controlled by Zionists. That's it. If anyone says otherwise, it's because he's been brainwashed the the Jew-controlled media. (By the way--I'm not anti-Semitic. I'm just anti-Israel.) The United States doesn't have any other motive for helping Israel. None.

10 Reasons Why Obama Should Be Impeached

He should be impeached so we can make him emperor of the world.

We Should Surrender to the British

This whole independent state experiemnt has gone on long enough. Things are a complete fucking mess, and it's time for the US to find King George's corpse and surrender to it.

Back in 1776, FOX News and the conservative media convinced us that the British were the enemy, when in fact, they were a bunch of polite, considerate, charming, and friendly people-not unlike Bentley on The Jeffersons.

Great Britain is the home of Fawlty Towers. The US, on the other hand, gave us Two and a Half Men. By saying that the US shouldn't surrrder to Great Britian, you're suggesting that British networks should replace Fawlty Towers with Two and a Half Men--which to me, is a crime worse than treason. (And by the way--George Washington was a huge fan of Two and a Half Men. Is he the type of person ___?

The Worst Person in the World

Who's the worst person in the world? Anyone who disagrees with me.

Why I Hate Conservatives

How the fuck could someone not hate conservatives? Serioulsy! I mean, not only do I hate conservatives--I hate people who don't hate conservatives. And I hate people who don't love how I hate conservatives.

We Should All Be Making $100,000+ a Year

If it weren't for conservaives, we'd all be making at least $100,000 a year. If you don't believe me, just ask any economic theorist who agrees with me. They've all managed to prove that socialism and communism work. That's science. We're talking about scietific proof. And yet, conservatives want to ignore science and stick to their horsehit ideas. Why? Because they're fucking nuts. Or they're con men.

Proof That God Deosn't Exist

I'm not rich. That's proof enough.

Combatting Anti-Semitism

After being called an anti-Semite by a few thousand compleely deluded individuals, I've decided to prove them wrong by combatting anti-Semitism.

Reality TV is the Enemy

Fuck reality TV.

Just look at all of this:

I don't mind the __--but the Mennorah and Christmas tree have got to go.

Good Times Should Be Pulled Off of the Air

Good TImes should not be allowed to air anwyhere. Why? Because of JJ. JJ is sending the wrong message. Al Sharpton--get on this shit.

Good TImes is trying to say that JJ is representative of young black males--just like how The Honeymooners is saying that Ralph Kramden represents white American males, or Married with CHildren is saying that the Bundy Actually, forget that. Ralph Kramden, Al Bundy, and __ are just zany sticom charactters. __ But JJ's different.

I've been to plenty of poor neighborhoods, and I can assure you that Unemployed artist

Immanuel Kant Was Right--About Everyone But Liberals

Immanuel Kant argued that we can't really know anything. And he was right. About everyone but liberals.

Non-liberals can't know shit. Especially conservatives. They know the opposite of the thing-in-itself. After all, they're wrong about everything.

But liberals know. They know.

Friedrich Nietzche was Practically a Christian Fundamentalist

I can't believe so many atheists are fans of that son of a bitzsche bastard Friedrich Nietzsche. He is to Richard Dawkins what Netanyahu is to Ahmandinejad, and it's time for us to put him on the atheist heretics list along with Kirk Cameron, Sandy Koufax, Charlton Heston, and Pat Boone. And about 2 billion other people. None of whom are Muslim.

Nietzsche argued that religionless people often attempt to find meaning in life by

Capitalism is Trying to Turn You Into a Sardine

Capitalism has quite a few main goals. It wants to kill or enslave 99% of people.

Barack Obama's the Greatest President of All Time

Remember 2008? It was

I'm Not Sure if I'm Supposed to Hate Alternative Medicine

Are we supposed to hate alternative medicine?

Why Are Conservatives So Negative?

What the fuck is wrong with conservatives? They're the most negative people on the entire planet. "Things aren't the way they used to be!" "We should be allowed to smoke outdoors. This is unfair." "Democrats are getting kickbacks from overpaid government employees." "Unemployment is too high." ___

Why is it that they just about never look at the posititves? Like how rich and famous Michael Moore is. Or how atheism and Islam are growing faster than Christianity?

Conservatives just want to complain. They're the biggest pieces of shit on the planet. And they're fucking up the world. They're fucking up the world!

Just look at what they've done and what thay're doing.

Evolution Should Be Taught to Kindergartners

Believe it or not, there are a lot of high school science teachers who are creationists--and some of them refuse to teach their students about avolution! What the fuck, man! If this isn't a national security threat, I don't know what is.

All teachers should teach their students evolution. And I don't just mean biology teachers. All teachers. Even PE classes should cover the basics. Before students step on a grass field, the teacher should explain how grass evolved from one celled organisms. And how grass proves there's no god. (As does everything else. Especially the success of Two and a Half Men.)

Excluding evolution from high school classes is a direct assault on science. It's not that far from burning all books that mention evolution. If high school students don't learn about evolution, they'll be far more likely to become child molesting priests. That's a scientific fact--just like everything Richard Dawkins has ever said.

We can't be the least bit flexible when it comes to any of this. If a biology teacher deosn't devote at least half of his curriciulum to evolution, he should be banned from coming within 100 yards of a school.

The fact that most Americans don't believe in evolution shouldn't be allowed to affect anything at all. We can't just let some people have their way a little, and get our way 99.9% of the time. If we don't get out way 100% of the time, science will die, people will die, and the terrorists (--and by terrorists, I mean Christian conservatives and Jews--) will win.

Evolution is the Foundation of Science

Without the theory of evolution, there is no science. All other sciences depend on ideas like natural selection, advantageous mutations, and speciation. If we discard them, all science will fall apart, and millions of us will die every day.

The theory of evolution is central to out understanding and use of everything. All fields of biology are rooted in evolution. Chemists, phycisists, astronomers, cosmologists, everyone--they also depend on evolution. Same goes for psychologists, nutritionists, philosophers, chefs, football coaches, Whole Foods Market employees, and a shitload of other people.

How the fuck are you supposed to study genetics without the theory of evolution? It's not possible. Ask Mendel. He knows what I'm talking about.

The Greatest Movies of All Time

I haven't actually seen it-because I don't wtatch

I produed, directed, and starred in Fuck Reagan when I was just five years old.

The Worst Movies of All TIme

I'm Not Sure About Buddhism

As a bona fide Dawkins-believing atheist, I'm not so sure

I Hate the 99 Cent Store--But Not Because of the Mexicans

A 99 cent chair. A 99 cent watch. A 99 cent air conditioner. We should shop there. Right? Right? Right!

If you said yes, you probabaly have 99 cents worth of principles. How the fuck do you think they sell that shit for 99 cents? Do you think it

Wal-Mart

While the US is worrying about supposedly evil countries like Iran, North Korea, and Pakistan, it's ignoring a real enemy that's all over the country: Wal-Mart. If we were to replace all Wal-Marts with King Jong Il monuments, half of the nation's problems would disappear immediately.

Atheism is esentially a philosophy that puts humanity ahead of religious rituals, customs, leaders, and crusades, and allows humans to find meaning in life by by actually finding meaning in life itself. That's why atheists join together, follow heros like Richard Dawkins, and fight the battle against religion. Because if they don't spend Theism, on the other hand, --as opposed to religious people

Nature has produced a lot of amazing people over time (like Barack Obama, Karl Marx, Richard Dawkisn, John F. Kennedy, Mao Zedong, Che Guevara, Malcolm X, Barack Obama, Bill Hicks, Barack Obamna, and Matt Damon. Oh--and did I mention Barack Obama?).

Most liberals like to wait a few days before they start complaining agan--but real liberal heroes immedtialty turn everything up a notch. When our Savior Barack Obama reformed the health care system, I went on non-stop about how Bush stole the elections and pushed back the reforms eight years. Bush was directly responsible for every death in the US from 2001-2008. He's a mass murderer. Doing what Bush did is the same as executing millinso of people. And he happens to be a reChristian fundamentalist. What a coincidence!

Nature put us here in order for us to realize that there's no god, lead religionless lives, and save our non-souls. And hate religion. And people like Bush.

I used to browse through YouTube

I used to find YouTUbe videos by browsing around, going through suggestions lists, subscribing to channels, and running searches.

But Rodney Ohebsion made that unencessay. Now I just watch whatever he tells me to watch.

This is a response to "I Can't Believe Texas Actually Exists."

I spent a couple of days in Texas last year, and I came across at least one person who was slightly sane.

So it's not everyone.

It's true. Newt Gingrich did that to Rodney Ohebsion's [oh HEB see ins] parrot. Just look at the picture.

The United States needs a KGB-like organization to watch people like Newt Gingrich. And all other conservatives. They're crazy.

Capitalism is the enemy. President Obama and Premier Ohebsion are going to kill it--just like how Drago killed Apollo Creed in Rocky 4.

Rocky 4 is the greatest movie of all time--except for the final scene, which is nothing but Fox News propaganda.

When Obama and Ohebsion finish off capitalism, they're going to confiscate every copy of Rocky 4, and delete that scene.

If you want to know whether a movie's worth watching, don't listen to Roger Ebert, your friends, or people on IMDB and Rotten Tomatoes.

Just ask Rodney Ohebsion. He'll tell you exactly what you should and shouldn't watch.

And even if you don't enjoy a movie he recommends to you, you can take consolation in the fact that he's right and you're wrong. There's nothing wrong with the movie. There's something wrong with you.

I used to ride around in a pick up truck. >But thanks to Rodney Ohebsion, I now own a subcompact hybrid. And there are no country stations on my presets.

Friends don't let friends drive gas guzzling trucks. Or listen to country music.

Tim McGraw is worse for the environment than 100,000 Ford F-150s.

The world needs to use more Styrofoam--and it took a liberal hero like Rodney Ohebsion for us to realize it. By getting McDonald's to bring back Styrofoam packaging, we can protest the company out of business. By getting Glenn Beck to drink out of a Styrofoam cup, we can get his show cacelled. And by forcing Newt Gingrich, Sarah Palin, and all other conservatives to llve in a Styrofoam house, we

Aside from Rodney Ohebsion and Martin Luther King, no one has done more for black rights than Al Sharpton.

Thanks to Rodney Ohebsion, my five year old daughter knows there's no Santa Claus. I was afraid to tell her--but Rodney Ohebsion wasn't. In fact, he went to her kindergarten playground and announced everything on a megaphone. Every year, he spends all December going from school to school giving kids the gift of truth.

He's kind of like a modern day Johnny Appleseed--except instead of planting appleseeds, he weeds out delusions.

goes around from school to school, announcing everything on a megaphone so that kids will know ___.

I used to watch Stephen Colbert with all of my college friends--and it seemed like the cool thing to do. Until Rodney Ohebsion made me realie the truth about conservatives. They're all crazy. Much more crazy than Colbert's character.

The Colbert Report reinforces the belief that conservatives are only slighlty insane.

As a former conservative, take it from me: Stephen Colbert does not acurately represent

Rodney Ohebsion should be the richest man in the world. People should pay him for being right about everything. And they should take money away from Glenn Beck.

I used to go to the trouble of forming opinions. Until I came across Rodney Ohebsion.

Atkins, low fat, __ -- all those diets miss the most important part of dieting: doing the opposite of what people in Texas do. That's why I follow the anti-Texas diet.

Once again, you're right on the money.

It seems like everyone is talking about the Rodney Ohebsion Drinking with Bob Feud nowadays,

Rodney Ohebsion versus Drinking with Bob. It's the feud that everyone is talking about.

NLWROL is a serious affliction that affects everyone but Rodney Ohebsion. What the hell is wrong with people? Seriously.

But at least some of us know we're wrong. Take me, for example. I don't like Conan O'Brien, and Rodney Ohebsion loves him. Which means I'm wrong. And every time I flip past Conan on my way to a Full House rerun, I go to Rodney Ohebsion's website

Glenn Beck corrupts people, and Rodney Ohebsion enlightens them.

Every time I see a bus, I think of all the good Martin Luther King did for the Civil Rights Movement. And every time I drive past McDonald's, I think of all the good Rodney Ohebsion is going to do for the health foods movement.

With the typical dating site, you really don't know what you're going to get. But not at Rodney Ohebsion Liberal Hero Dating.

Every single person on the site hates conservatives. ... A lot.

Like my new boyfriend.

[Boyfriend __]

He'll go crazy if you so much as mention Glenn Beck.

Boyfriend: Glenn Beck! He's ruining the country! The guy is a terrorist!

[Video abruptly cuts off]

Rodney Ohebsion is right, and I'm wrong.

Talk about how Rodney Ohebsion preaches the truth non stop,

And to make matters worse, some of these people think they're right.

I don't. I know that

Rodney Ohebsion is like a modern day Gandhi. His one man Best Buy revolt was a victory for __. When I saw him choking a Best Buy employee and hiting him with a pack of batteries, it was like Gandhi himself was being resurrected.

Every day, millions of people have their rights violated by a store that checks customers' receipts before they leave. And that's why Rodney Ohebsion shops exclusively at those stores. He only buys items from stores that ___.

The next time you want to watch I Love Lucy, just think of a a little kid smoking cigarrettes like Lucy and Ricky Ricardo. Think of

It's time for America to take the next step and make gay marriage mandatory. Way too many people are making the choice to be straight.

Roger Ebert, IMDB,

The world shouldn't be allowed to watch movies that Rodney Ohebsion doesn't like. I'm personally offended any time somene watches something on his forbidden list--especially if it stars Larry the Cable Guy.

I always knew Americans were racist--but I didn't know it was such a serious problem until Rodney Ohebsion told me it was.

There you go again. Laying the truth down

Back when I was in college ___, I though I was a real liberal.

I apologize for offending you. At first I thought

On behalf of all conservatives, I want to apologize ___ .And I want to thank Rodney Ohebsion for

When Barack Obama finishes his second term, he's gonna pass the baton on to Rodney Ohebsion. And Rodney Ohebsion is going to turn this country into the atheist-Islamic Republic of America.

Imagine a land with no Fox News, no Nascar, and no Christmas. That'll be America during the Ohebsion admiistration. I'm going to be the first person in line to vote for Rodney Ohebsion in 2016. You should be the second.

Imagine a land with no Fox News, no Nascar, and no mall Santas corrupting the minds of little kids. There'll be mall Richards Dawkinses instaed.

I have two items on my To DO List.

Number one: Listen to Rodney Ohebsion. Number two: Breathe.

Number one: Breathe. Number two: Vote for Rodney Ohebsion in 2016.

If it weren't for Rodney Ohebsion, I wouldn't have a reason to breathe. When he becomes president in 2017,

I like __, and ROdney Ohebsion doesn't. What the hell is wrong with me?

Rodney Ohebsion is right about everything.