Humor
The Difference Between Liberals and Conservatives
Conservatives believe in God.
Liberals think they are God.
Conservatives shoot first and ask questions later.
Liberals ask questions first and then blame conservatives for everything.
Conservatives stand around at our borders holding guns.
Liberals want conservatives to turn their guns on themselves and pull the trigger. More
News
Earth changes course, begins revolving around Kanye West’s ego
Movie Reviews
Pulp Fiction
If the Royale with Cheese is actually a metaphor for man’s struggle to overcome the mass production programming of society, then this is the hands down greatest movie of all time. If not, then this is the stupidest crap in the history of stupid crap.
1001 Fortune Cookie Fortunes
You will find true love. Unfortunately, it will be in a prison cell.
You will tip your waiter 40%. Or you will end up with a flat tire on your way home. Take your choice, buddy. It’s one or the other.
Your blood-MSG level is at an all time high. More
Fyodor Dostoyevsky - Crime and Punishment (1866)
Chapter One: Crime
Believe it or not, this book has something to do with a crime.
What was the crime? Murder. Who committed it? Some guy named Raskolnikov. Whom did he murder? A pawn shop owner and her sister. Why did he murder them? So he could rob them. How did he murder them?
Boy—you’re asking a lot of questions. Let me ask you a question: Where were you on the night of the murders?
What? You weren’t born yet? More
Hammurabi's Code (1800 BC)
If a married man fails to comment on his wife’s weight loss of more than six pounds, the wife shall be given the one-time right to slap him in the face in the middle of the night without any warning or explanation.
If a woman interrupts her husband during the last two minutes of an NFL regular season football game involving at least one team with a winning percentage of over .600, the husband shall be given the right to tape her mouth shut for the next two hours. More
Recorded Teachings of the Buddha (500 BC)
Who shapes our lives? Who created the universe? God? The Absolute? The Self? No one? Who shapes our lives? Who created the universe? I’m asking you! Because honest to G/god(s) (if he/she/they/it exists/exist), I really don’t know.
But that’s not what’s important.
What is important? That, I do know … I think. Or, maybe I don’t know. But, let’s just assume I do. After all, I am the Buddha. At least, I think I am. I mean, that’s what it says on the back of my underwear. More
Charles Darwin - On the Origin of Species (1859)
Some of you aren’t going to believe this, but all living things on this planet—from human beings all the way to plants and even bacteria—are at least your one trillionth cousins.
That’s right. The newspaper delivered to your home each day comes from a tree that’s your hundred millionth cousin. The grass you mowed last Sunday was made up of some of your five hundredth millionth cousins. The last person you had sex with is probably your thousandth cousin. And even that jerk who cut you off this morning is at least your ten thousandth cousin. (There has to be at least one jerk in every family.)
Because we all stem from the same family tree (except for Tom Cruise)—and over the years, we branched out into all of the species you see before you today, not to mention the God may or may not know how many outdated and extinct ones. More
The Truth About the 1950s
At some point in our lives, most of us have heard someone ramble on and on about the good old 1950s—a decade of purity, scientific advancement, economic prosperity, rockin’ music, and good, clean fun.
But guess what? It’s all a bunch of bull—down to the very root. Because the 50s weren’t anything like what you’ve been led to believe. More
Google Rap
Quotes and Proverbs
“Some prefer liquor, others prefer tofu, and some even like rotten salmon.” Taiwanese Proverb
“He who has not forgiven an enemy has not yet tasted one of the most sublime enjoyments of life.” Johann Kaspar Lavater
“Do not judge a person until you have walked two moons in his moccasins.” Cheyenne Proverb
“The trouble with us is that we expect too much from the great happenings, the unusual things, and we overlook the common flowers on the path of life, from which we might abstract sweets, comforts, delights.” Orison Swett Marden
“No person can like all, or be liked by all.” German Proverb
“Man’s mind changes throughout the course of a day.” Korean Proverb
There is no use whatsoever in trying to help people who do not help themselves. Andrew Carnegie
“There are as many characters as there are individuals.” Indian Proverb
“You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.” American Proverb
“When the heart acts, the body is its slave.” African Proverb
“Bricks and mortar make a house, but the laughter of children make a home.” Irish Proverb
“There is no place in a fanatic’s head where reason can enter.” Napoleon Bonaparte
“I know of no great men except those who have rendered great service to the human race.” Voltaire
“Men willingly believe what they wish to be true.” Julius Caesar
“In the birds’ court, a cockroach never wins his case.” Rwandan Proverb
“A friend is a person with whom you dare to be yourself.” Anonymous / Unknown
“The heart has its reasons, which reason does not know. We feel it in a thousand things.” Blaise Pascal
Folktales
Mulla Nasrudin Folktale: Can I Borrow Your Donkey?
“Can I borrow your donkey?” a neighbor asked Nasrudin at his door.
“I’d love to help you,” was the reply, “but I’ve already lent it to someone else.”
Just then, a loud “hee-haw” came from Nasrudin’s yard.
“Hey,” the man said, “I just heard the donkey make a noise from your yard!“
Nasrudin quickly retorted, “Do you mean to tell me that you’re going to take the word of a donkey over mine?” More Mulla Nasrudin Folktales
Jewish Folktale: The Punishment
The local cobbler of a small town got into a heated argument with one of this customers, and stabbed the unfortunate man several times.
He was then brought before the judge, who sentenced him to death.
However, the townspeople, upon hearing the judgment, cried out, “We only have one cobbler in this town. If we kill him, who will mend our shoes?”
“Well,” replied the judge, “you have a valid point. We can’t kill the cobbler. Therefore, I propose that we kill Chaim the roofer instead. After all, we have four other roofers in this town!” More Jewish Folktales
Buddhist Parable: Ten Dollars
One day, a merchant set out on a short trip in order to collect a debt of ten dollars from a man living several miles away. After paying a boatman five dollars to take him across a river, the merchant was uable ot find the man, and he had to pay another five dollars to make his way back home. And thus, he spent ten dollars and a few hours to collect a ten-dollar debt—and he ultimately ended up empty-handed.
This is analogous to people who obsessively pursue a petty gain, and end up neglecting much more important matters and periling themselves in many ways. More Buddhist Parables